


Tumblr Requests

by jusains



Category: Black Friday - Fandom, Black Friday Musical, The guy who didn't like musicals, tgwdlm - Fandom
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, see chapter title and notes for ship and tw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:41:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 39
Words: 34,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21746185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jusains/pseuds/jusains
Summary: These are all of the oneshot requests I got on tumblr, the chapters can be read separately
Relationships: Emmalatte - Relationship, Macman, Tedgens - Relationship, batthews
Comments: 198
Kudos: 263





	1. The Bouquet (Tedgens)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "tedgens went to a wedding together and one of them caught the bride's flower bouquet. how would the other react to that?" (submitted by drkstangl on tumblr)

Ted did _not_ mean to catch the bouquet. It was a coincidence. He just happened to walk by when Emma threw it, while making his way through the crowd to find Henry. And then the bouquet flew right at him and his fucking instincts took over.

It‘s quiet now, while everyone stares at him. He really hopes he‘s not blushing. He doesn‘t like to show embarrassment and this is probably the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to him.

“Sorry”, he blurts out now. His gaze catches Henrys, who’s biting his bottom lip, probably in order to contain his laughter.

Then Ted looks to Emma, before he decides to quickly walk over to her.

“Sorry! Sorry, I didn’t mean to! You can just throw it again, you know.” He pushes the bouquet against her hand, as he tries to make her take it back.

Emma shakes her head, laughing. “Fuck no. It‘s yours now.“

“Emma seriously.”

“No, those are the rules. Now go and dance with your boyfriend.”

“I won’t.. I won’t _dance_?!”

“Yes, you will”, Paul says, who’s joining them now, hugging Emma from behind.

“Oh shut the fuck up, Paul.”

Everyone else stopped staring by now and is kind of carrying on with talking and dancing. All to Teds relief.

Paul smiles. “Ted, don’t be an asshole today.”

“I’m never an asshole.” _Of course_ he’s offended now.

“Don’t be mean.” It’s Henry, appearing next to Ted and putting his arm around Teds waist.

“I’m not _mean_! They won’t take it back, that’s all.”

“Keep it then.”

“What?”

“Why don’t you keep it?”

“Women are supposed to catch this.”

“Don’t you think, that is a little heteronormative?”

Ted looks up, locking eyes with Henry, who’s fondly gazing at him.

“What is it?”, Henry asks, as he notices Teds eyes widening.

“You’re not gonna propose now or something, are you?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I’m not going to propose to you on Emmas wedding.”

“Thank you“, Emma chimes in.

“You’re welcome”, Henry notes.

“I’ll go for the snacks”, Emma says now, “Paul?”

“Coming”, Paul answers, grabbing her hand and off they are.

Ted’s still staring at Henry as he tries to figure out if he’s disappointed or relieved. It’s too early, right? They’ve been dating for a little over a year. It’s the longest Ted has ever dated anyone and his heart did skip a beat when he just thought Henry would propose. But you’re not gonna marry someone after a year, are you?

“Ted?”

“Mh?”

Henry chuckles. “Are you relieved?”

“No.”

He frowns, seemingly surprised. “Disappointed?”

“No. ..I don’t know.”

“And I always reckoned you as commitment shy.”

“How?”

“You kept introducing me as a ‘friend’, for the first two months of our relationship, before you switched to ‘lover’. You only started calling me your boyfriend after about four months.”

“Well.. yes. I did.”

Henry chuckles as he pulls Ted closer to kiss him.

“But, you know, I’ve never felt like that for anyone before. You really make me feel stuff.”, Ted mumbles against Henrys lips. Henry smiles and kisses him again, before asking: “What kind of stuff?“

“Lust.“

“Ted!“

“Just kidding, sorry. I love you”.

“Well this was almost romantic.”

“Don’t you try and make me feel bad. I saw you laughing when I catched the bouquet earlier, you fucking traitor.”

Henry smiles. “Well I did think it was amusing. I have never seen you this shocked.”

“I really didn’t mean to catch it.”

“Of course not.”

Ted starts fumbling with the bouquet, avoiding Henrys gaze.

“Do you want to dance?”, Henry asks.

“I really don’t want to embarrass myself again.”

“It’s a slow number.”

“You really want to, huh?”

“If you don’t-“ “Nah, come on.”

Ted puts the bouquet down on one of the tables and offers Henry his hand. Henry chuckles and takes it, just to be led onto the dance floor.

Ted pulls him closer and Henry wraps his arms around Teds neck.

“Alright, what now?”, Ted asks, eyeing the other couples, perhaps to copy them.

“We do this”, Henry says, gently leading Ted into some kind of slow sway.

“That’s alright. I can manage that.”

“See?”

They keep swaying without talking for quite a while, with Ted resting his head on Henrys shoulder.

“You know what Henry?”, he mumbles after some time.

“Mh?”

“I really love you so fucking much.”

He can tell that Henry is smiling, even though he can’t see his face right now.

“I love you too, Ted.”

“And..”, Ted hesitates, “..I’m sorry if it seemed different earlier, but I think I’d love to marry you someday. I’m just not sure if now’s the time to propose.”

“Especially today.”

Ted looks up.

“Yeah, we’re not gonna be those assholes, are we?”

Henry comes closer, lightly shaking his head, before resting his forehead against Teds.

“No.” He smiles. “But I’d love to marry you someday too.”


	2. Insecurities (Tedgens)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "henry feels kinda insecure that he's dating someone a lot younger than him so he decides to dye his hair black/brown in an attempt to look younger" (submitted by drkstangl on tumblr)

Henry has never dated someone younger than him. He was always the younger one in his relationships, even if it was just by two months.

Now that his hair has gotten completely grey, he doesn’t feel particularly young anymore anyway. And dating Ted, who‘s eleven years younger than him, is not exactly boosting his self-confidence. But he loves Ted, he loves him so much and a lot of people dye their hair, right? He‘s 52, he‘s not too old to dye his hair. Or is he?

He‘s been sitting in the bathroom, on the edge of the bathtub, for quite a while now, staring at the little package of dark-brown hair dye, not yet daring to open it.

He keeps reading the instructions, probably even memorising them by now.

“Henry?”

He flinches. Ted’s knocking on the door.

“Are you alright? You’ve been in there for a while.”

“Yes! Yes, I am.”

“Can I come in?”

“No.”

“Henry?”

“Yes?”

“Are you really alright?”

Good God.

“Of course I am.”

“What are you doing?”

“Just…”, here goes nothing, “just dying my hair?” Henry pauses, clenching the package.

The door swings open and there Ted is, eyeing him more confused than ever.

“What?”

“It’s just..”, he hesitates in his struggle to find the right words, “you’re so young, Ted.”

“I’m 41.”

“Yes.”

“That’s why you wanna dye it?”

“You better believe it.”

Ted kneels down in front of him. He reaches for the package and puts it down on the floor before he takes Henrys hands in his.

“I like your silver hair.”

Henry smiles preoccupied.

“It makes me look old.”

“No.”

“It does Ted.”

“You don‘t look old, you‘re barely fifty _and_ you‘re fucking handsome and hot.”

Henry frowns and shakes his head, but he’s also blushing.

“You must be embarrassed to be with me in public.”

“Hell no.”

“Come on.”

“I don’t give a fuck about other peoples opinion.”

Henry smiles. Ted really doesn’t. He’s always so confident.

“And my hair starts getting grey too”, Ted notes now.

“Don‘t be ridiculous.”

“No, really. I just found a grey one this morning.”

“You don’t have to lie now.”

“I really did.”

Henry chuckles. “Ted, no.”

Ted pulls him closer now, into a kiss. Henry slowly slides from the bathtub and they end up sitting on the floor, halfway on top of each others laps.

Ted breaks away a little, before he starts to talk again.

“You know, I can help you if you really want this, but I don‘t want you dye it, because you think I will stop loving you otherwise.”

“I don’t think that Ted.” He does. Deep down he does.

“Good, because I love you”, Ted kisses him again, “and your hair.“ He lets his fingers run through Henry’s hair, placing another kiss onto his lips. „And you little belly.” He lightly stabs Henrys belly with his finger.

“Ted!”

“I really do. I love everything.”

Henry smiles now and kisses him again.

“So do you still want to dye?”, Ted asks.

Henry shakes his head. “…No.”

Ted smiles brightly.

“Alright”, he says, before he pulls Henry in another kiss.


	3. Sleepless In Hatchetfield (Tegdens)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So imagine Ted has insomnia and Henry has nightmares so they can’t sleep without each other because Ted has no reason to stay in bed and Henry is too scared" (submitted by killer-scream on tumblr)

Maybe Henry should have gotten used to it by now. But after waking up in sweat once again, with the panic sitting in his chest like a heavy rock, he realises that that‘s not the case. He‘ll never get used to this.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He‘s wide awake now, but a glance at the clock tells him it‘s in the middle of the night.

His throat feels dry and rough and therefore he slowly slips out of the bed to make his way downstairs, into the kitchen.

-

He can hear footsteps after he placed the now-empty glass in the sink. He immediately tenses up. It‘s actually not possible that it‘s one of the infected and it‘s more likely that it’s Ted or Emma or one of the others, but the fear still starts to grow like an invasive tumour.

He stares at the door and subconsciously reaches for one of the kitchen knifes behind him.

The door opens and Henry flinches, stumbling back until he hits the kitchen counter. Ted steps in. He stares at Henry and frowns when he notices the knife, which Henry is pointing at him. Then he slowly raises both of his arms.

“I surrender?”

Henry lowers the knife, lightly shaking his head now, as his heartbeat slowly seems to calm down again.

“I’m sorry Ted.”

“It’s alright.”

“No, really.”

“Yeah, no, it’s fine. Are you okay?”

Henry nods quickly.

“You seemed frightened.”

“I had a nightmare, but it’s fine.”

“You don’t seem fine.”

“I’m used to it.” He’s not.

Ted steps closer to him now, gently pulling him against his chest. Henry lets his head sink onto Teds shoulder and closes his eyes.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”, Ted asks now.

“No.”

Ted places a soft kiss on Henrys head and Henry can’t help but smile. They’ve been together for about two weeks and he still hasn’t been able to adjust to the amount of affection and loving care, Ted floods him with on a daily basis.

“Why are you awake, Ted?”

“Insomnia.”

“Really?”

“Jup.”

“You never told me about this.”

“It never came up. You never told me about having nightmares you know.”

“That’s true.”

“Do you wanna try and go back to sleep?“

“I‘m afraid, I won’t be able to.“

“I can cuddle you.”

Henry would love that actually. But he manages to stop himself from nodding, shaking his head instead.

“I would not dare to make you do that. I don‘t want you to be alarmed every time I wake up from a nightmare.”

“How often do you have nightmares man?”

“Well there surely is more that one per night.”

“Oh shit.”

“It’s fine.”

“You know what I think?”

“I don’t.”

“I think it’s one more reason for me to cuddle you. Right?”

Henry chuckles now.

“Ted..”

“I’m awake anyway. And I’m bored and..and fucking lonely and also-“

“Alright, come with me.”

Henry reaches for Teds hand to pull him out of the kitchen and to his bedroom.

-

They lay down in Henrys bed and Henry moves over to Ted, to cuddle against his chest. Ted wraps both of his arms around Henry and then they lay there.

“I already like this. We should do it more often”, Ted notes.

Henry smiles, looking up now. “Yes.”

Ted pulls him closer, in a soft kiss. When he pulls back, Henry follows, to steal another one. They share a few of those kisses, all slow and gentle. And it ends up being really calming. Henry starts to smile after a while and therefore the kiss ends.

“Ted?”

“Mh?”

“Thank you.”

Ted smiles and places a quick kiss on Henrys nose, mumbling a “Good night“, before pulling him closer. Henry puts his head down on Teds chest again. And he actually manages to fall back to sleep.

-

After once another nightmare, Henry wakes up again, flinching in panic and immediately sitting up straight. He‘s still trembling while he tries to calm himself down, lightly panting too.

That’s when he feels Teds hand gently touching his shoulder.

“You alright?”

Henry blindly reaches for Ted, until his fingers hit Teds chest. Ted sat up too.

“Yes, sorry”, he mumbles, immediately feeling bad for startling Ted. His fingers are now clinging to the fabric of Teds shirt, for some reason. Maybe to get at least some kind of hold on reality.

“It’s alright, I’m here. You’re safe you know?”

Henry’s still shaking and Ted noticed that. Of course he did.

“Come here”, he whispers now, before he carefully pulls Henry into his arms. They lay down again, spooning now. Henry can feel Teds heartbeat on his back and it‘s actually really calming.

“Sorry”, he mumbles again.

“No, it’s fine. It’s fine.”

Ted lightly leans over Henry to place a few gentle kisses on his temple, before laying down again and pulling him even closer.

“It’s fine”, he reassures him again.

-

It’s the next evening and Henry’s about to go to bed, when Teds steps in, closing the door behind himself.

“Hey.”

“Ted?”

“Yeah?”

“What are you doing?”

“I’ll sleep with you.”

Silence crawls over the room as both of them realise the double-meaning.

“..by your side. I mean. Like, yes, with you but not in a sexual way”, Ted quickly tries to explain, “unless you’d want that, I mean I’d-“

“Good God.”

“That’s a no, I guess.”

“It didn’t bother you?”

“What?”

“Me waking up all the time.”

“No.”

“Alright, stay.”

Ted smiles and rushes to the bed to slip under the covers. Henry chuckles and turns off the light, before he joins Ted, who welcomes him, by pulling him into his arms. 


	4. A Plain T-Shirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "henry wears practically the same thing every day out of convenience and the one time he doesn't, ted loses his mind" (submitted by cynicalkairos on tumblr)

Henry has always been wearing those black turtlenecks and Ted really didn’t mind. They’ve been dating for about two months now and at some point Ted just stopped noticing it. It’s like the turtlenecks and the beige pants are a part of Henry and for some reason, Ted couldn’t imagine him wearing something else.

Until this morning.

Ted’s the first one to get up, which is uncommon.

After three months of living in Henrys fortress and the apotheosis still going on with no rescue in sight, everybody kind of gave up. There‘s no point in getting up early, when you have literally nothing to do and nowhere to go.

Ted is usually the one who sleeps the longest (or at least longer than Henry, who‘s an early riser). But now he‘s already up, rifling through the kitchen drawers and cupboards and looking for food because _god_ he‘s hungry.

“You are up early.” It’s Henry.

Ted turns around to say something, but he kind of just stops and stares after he notices Henrys choice of clothing.

“Woah”, he mumbles.

It’s nothing too special, it’s just a plain T-Shirt and some darker colored pants, but it is indeed special when Henry wears it.

“What is it?”, Henry asks, obviously confused.

“Just.. your clothes?”

“Yes?“

“Holy fuck.“

“I don‘t understand?“

“You’ve always been wearing the same thing, you know, like Steve Jobs. Just that freaking turtleneck every day.. and that’s fine! It’s fine..fine, it’s cute, but you know..”

“I can go and change if you can’t handle this Ted.”

 _“No no no no no!”_ Ted jumps forward to stop Henry from leaving the kitchen. “I mean, yes I can’t seem to handle this but I haven’t been able to handle you since I first saw you, you’re too hot. This is fine.”

Henry smiles now, twitching his nose.

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“It does. I like it, I like this.” Ted touches the fabric, plucking at it too. Henry is still smiling, glancing at Ted and also blushing now, if Ted’s not just imagining that one. Ted steps closer and brings his hand up to cup Henrys face, placing a quick kiss onto Henrys lips.

“Plus I can reach your neck now”, he notes.

“Why is that-“ Henry stops talking after Ted started kissing his neck. “Oh, alright.”

He slowly reaches for Teds waist to pull him closer.

“Ugh guys come on! It’s too early for- Woah Professor!”

Emma stares at Henry, completely astonished.

“Yeah! Right?”, Ted asks.

Emma nods. “Wow.”

“Good God! Why is this so hard to believe?”, Henry asks bewildered.

“It’s not, it’s just really..”, Ted struggles to find the right words, “new?”

“It’s something else”, Emma agrees.

Henry just shakes his head, chuckling now. “Alright then.”


	5. Set It Up (Tedgens)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Could you maybe do a fic where Paul is tired of hearing Ted moan about Henry and Emma is tired of hearing Henry rant about Ted, so they set them up?" (submitted by killer-scream on tumblr)

“And like.. I’m not into him?! ..Nah, I’m not into him. I just think he’s kind of handsome, you know?”, Ted says. Paul nods. He already zoned out by now. They‘ve been in the living room for what feels like hours and Ted won‘t stop talking about Henry (who he‘s definitely not into).

”He’s _so_ handsome, Paul. And he could, like.. get it, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“Wait you think that too?”

“What? No.”

“Thank god.. I mean not that I would have a chance anyway, but still.”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t think I have a chance?”

“Jesus Ted! Just tell him maybe?”

“Woah! No need to fucking snap at me.”

“Sorry. It’s just.. you keep talking about him, but you never actually act on it.”

“Because I can’t just tell him? What the fuck is wrong with you Paul?”

“You’re just gonna keep talking about him?”

“Yes? I listened to your pathetic whining about Emma too, so cope the fuck with it.”

„Man, he might like you too.”

For the first time in like an hour, Ted is quiet.

“You think so?”, he mumbles, after about a minute.

“Ted, seriously?”

“I was just asking!”

“I don’t know. Maybe? You’ll never know if you don’t ask.”

“Oh.”

“Ted please just tell him.”

“Hell no.”

“Ted.”

“I can’t.”

“Then stop whining about it.”

“Well sorry that I’m sharing my thoughts with you.”

“Don’t do this now.”

“It’s just.. Henry’s so smart. He’s too smart for me, isn’t he?”

“Probably.”

“Yeah, you’re right, he is. God, I just really wish I was that smart.”

Paul groans and buries his face in his hands. This will keep going for a while. But they’re still locked in Henrys house and the aliens are outside. He can’t just leave. They‘ve been living in there for a little over a month now. Long enough for Henry to be okay with all of them using his first name. And Paul‘s gonna loose his sanity if he has to spend another month with Ted ranting about how handsome and smart and perfect Henry is.

—

Emma yawns. Henry and her have been in the lab for a few hours now. He wanted her help. But she doesn‘t actually have that much to do and he just keeps coming back to ranting about Ted for some reason. It’s like they talk about something else for a few minutes and then he starts talking about Ted again. This has been going on for the last two to three weeks.

“I feel like Ted is just always so mysterious. I can‘t characterize him by any means.“

Emma nods.

“Yeah, no. I just think he’s always so unnecessarily mean“, she wearily replies.

“Mean? No.”

“Professor, did you just bring me here to talk about Ted again?”

“Of course not!”

“You know he’s into you, right?”

Henry blushes now and quickly turns away, so Emma doesn’t see.

“What? No, of course he’s not. That is ridiculous Emma.”

“It’s true!”

“He’s so young.”

“I think he’s actually a little older than Paul. Like 40 or something.”

“And you say he’s unnecessarily mean?”

”Probably not to _you_. Because he’s into you. He just stops making noises and stares instead, when you enter the room.”

“I don’t believe you’re right.”

“Uh, yeah, I am.”

“Well, like I said before, I think he’s mysterious.”

“You also think that’s hot?”

“Emma! I did not say that.”

Emma chuckles now. “Of course not.”

—

They’re all watching the news. It kind of became habitual, something they‘re doing every evening. Of course they all hope that it will be good news this time. But most times there‘s nothing about Hatchetfield at all and if there is, it‘s just bad news. Not unlike today. Apparently even more soldiers who were sent there never returned.

Ted is sitting right next to Henry and genuinely tries not to freak out over their shoulders _almost touching_.

He doesn‘t even concentrate on the news anymore. Only on Henry. Henry Henry Henry. Jesus fucking Christ.

He tries his best not to stare, but he can‘t help but notice how Henrys hands started shaking.

“Are you alright?”, he brings himself to ask.

Henry looks up, meeting Teds gaze. He looks genuinely surprised.

“Yes!.. yes, of course.”

“Okay.”

Henry interlaces his fingers, perhaps to stop his hands from shaking. He‘s clasping them so strong, that his knuckles go white.

Ted hesitates, before he reaches out and puts his hand over Henrys. Henry loosens his grip, so Ted can actually take his hand. Henry then stares at their hands for a while, before he looks up.

They’re so focused on each other now, that they don’t even notice how Paul and Emma sneak out and close the door.

“It’s alright. We will get out of here someday. We kinda have to. At the latest when they‘ll carry our dead bodies out of here”, Ted says now, mildly joking around as he tries to lighten the mood.

“I feel like we’ll be stuck in Hatchetfield for quite some time”, Henry says.

“You don’t think anyone will come and save us?”

“I doubt it.”

“Oh.”

“Ted?”

“Yeah?” Ted gets nervous now, while Henry eyes him uncertainly.

“Never mind”, he just says and pulls his hands out of Teds grip. Henry seems to be getting up and Ted quickly holds him back, pushing his hand against Henrys chest.

They’re both surprised by that.

“Sorry”, Ted quickly mumbles, before he pulls his hand back.

“What is it?”

“Just.. do you think we’ll die in here?”

Henry smiles, seemingly deep in thought now. “I don’t know Ted.”

“You didn’t theorize that part?”

“I‘m afraid I know less than you think I know.”

“Oh.”

Henry looks up to him again. They stare at each other until Ted leans closer, making Henry forget to breath for a second.

“If we’re gonna die in here..” He stops, his gaze wanders down to Henrys lips.

“Then what?”, Henry manages to say.

“Then..” He hesitates, biting his lip now. Henry leans even closer to him and then Ted kisses him. He only realizes what he’s doing, after his lips hit Henrys soft ones. Then he pulls back and just stares at Henry. Hesitant and also a little scared. Henry kisses him again, this time it lasts for a few more seconds, before Ted breaks it off again.

“Fuck”, he mumbles, seemingly out of breath already, “Sorry.”

Then he just gets up and leaves the room, leaving Henry alone and confused.

—

He goes for his room, closing the door and leaning against it.

“Fuck“, he mutters, “Fuck, fuck.. fuck.”

Why did it have to feel _so_ fucking good? Ted was _not_ prepared for that. Everything inside his head went crazy, he probably lost his mind, back there in the living room. He knew he was attracted to Henry. He knew that. But he was not ready for the flood of warm and fuzzy feelings, that quite literally just swamped and drowned him.

And then he fucked up. He fucked up so bad, it’s embarrassing. He‘s even too embarrassed to tell Paul.

—

“Emma!”

She flinches. “Fuck! What?” She turns around and hesitates when she sees the devastation in Henrys face.

“Can we talk?”

“Uh, sure.”

Henry eyes Paul, before he adds an “Alone?”

Paul quickly gets up. “Sure.”

He leaves their room and then it’s just Emma and Henry left.

“What happened?”

“You’re right. He’s unnecessarily mean.”

“Ted?”

“Yes!“

“What happened?”

“He.. nothing.”

“So you just came to tell me that he‘s unnecessarily mean?”

“No..”

“Professor?”

“Henry”, he mumbles. Paul and Ted got used to calling him by his first name way faster than Emma.

“Yeah, right. Sorry. Just tell me what he did and I can kill him for you.”

“Don’t kill him please.”

“No, I won’t. That’s just.. never mind. I’m listening.”

“He kissed me.”

“Oh.”

“Yesterday. In the living room where we watched the news minutes before.”

Emma’s not really sure how she’s supposed to react. “How was it?”, she decides to ask.

Henry hesitates. It’s not like the kiss was bad. Henry did actually enjoy it. He enjoyed every single second of it. He’s simply not sure how Ted feels about it (even though he was the one who started it in the first place to be perfectly clear).

“It.. I..” He just stops. He’s at a complete loss of words now, as he remembers all of the things Ted made him feel yesterday. He reached for his hand first, making Henry feel all muddled and warm. And when Henry leaned in, Ted actually kissed him and made him feel even more flustered

“Emma..”, he mutters now and looks at her, helplessly.

“You’re gonna have to talk to him, you know?”

“No!”

“Professor-..Henry.. come on dude.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do this. He’ll have to talk to me first.”

—

Ted does find the courage to talk to Paul again, after two days of saying absolutely nothing. Paul almost thought that Ted would actually stop. (But obviously he was wrong)

“Hey Paul.”

“Hey man.”

“How are you doing?” Ted leans against the kitchen counter and slides closer to Paul, while nervously fiddling with his tie too.

“You wanna talk about how you kissed Henry and left?”

Ted hesitates.

“Yeah. ..how do you know?”

“Emma told me.”

“And Henry told her? What else did he say? Did he like it? Oh god he hated it right? I should have asked before I kissed him. I probably shouldn’t have left too.”

“Yeah I think the part were you left wasn’t exactly the best idea.”

“I know. Shit.”

“Jesus Ted! We left you two alone so you can actually confess your feelings for each other. Not for you to pull a shit ass stunt like that!“

“Oh that’s why you left.”

“Listen, Henry keeps telling Emma about you, you keep telling me about him and by now we both have enough. Just sort it out man.”

“He talks about me?”

“Yeah.”

“What does he say?”

“I don’t know.”

“Does he like me?”

“I don’t know. How about you ask him?”

“He must hate me, now that I just fucked off after I kissed him.”

“Yeah.”

“You think so?”

Paul sighs. “I don’t know.”

“I mean I do. I think so. But I hope he doesn’t because I’d love to kiss him again someday. It was great.”

“You’re an asshole Ted.”

“What?”

“You keep talking about how great he is, but when you actually had the chance to tell him, you just kissed him and left. Who does that?”

“I _panicked!_ Jesus Christ Paul!”

“Yeah that justifies absolutely nothing.”

“Can you stop being to brutally blunt? I already feel bad.”

“Apologize to him then.”

“I’m not good at apologizing.”

“Ted, if you like him, you’ll do it. You like him right?”

“Yeah. I just didn’t know I actually _like_ him. I never felt that much shit while kissing someone.”

“But that’s good, isn’t it? You actually have a heart.”

“Woah, thanks Paul.”

“You’re welcome. Now go talk to him.”

“Now? No. I’m not ready, I’ll do it tomorrow.”

“Ted!”

Ted just leaves again and Paul sighs. Ted will probably never do it.

—

“I don’t care anymore, Emma. Believe it or not, I’m over it.”

“Oh you’re over it?”

“Absolutely.”

“Is that why you’ve been talking about him for the past..”, she glances at the clock, “hour?”

“..yes.”

“Professor, it’s late. Don’t you wanna go to bed or something?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Well, I do.”

Emma gets up, yawning now. She didn’t dare to interrupt him during his monologue, mostly because she felt bad. He’s so hopelessly devoted to Ted by now and apparently they haven’t talked to each other since the awkward kiss.

“Are you gonna be alright?”, she asks.

He nods. “Good night Emma.”

“Good night.”

She leaves the room and sneaks into hers and Pauls. They didn’t always share, but Henrys house doesn’t have that many rooms and now that they’re together, it would be rude to keep making Ted sleep on the couch.

It’s late and she doesn’t want to wake him, which is why she enters the room as quiet as possible. Except he’s still awake.

“Were have you been that long?”, he asks, almost amused at how slowly she sneaks through the door.

“I had to listen to the Professor ranting about Ted. Apparently he’s over him now.”

“Oh. Well Ted’s not. He‘s been whining about it all day. I can‘t take this anymore. We should just.. cuff them together until they sorted it out.“

Emma looks up. “Paul you‘re a genius.“

“What?“

“Let‘s lock them in a room or something. Let‘s set them up.“

“Emma that‘s crazy.“

“Seriously, if I have to listen to Hidgens talking about damn Ted again, I‘m gonna feed myself to the aliens.“

“Please don‘t.“

She smiles. “Help me then.”

“Emma seriously?”

“Just help me lock them in a room for like an hour. Please.“

Paul hesitates, but he nods at last.

“Alright.”

—

“Professor, can you help me?”

“Sure. What is it?”

“Follow me.”

“Please tell me those creatures didn’t break through the fences.”

“No, it’s not that bad, just..”, she stops and waits for him to enter his bedroom. For some reason that’s the only room, that she and Paul could find a key for (besides the bathroom, but that would be rude, right?).

He hesitates when he realizes, Emma waited next to the door.

“What is it now, Emma?”

“We have to wait for the others.”

“Why are we here?”

“Oh you can see it best out of this particular window.”

He frowns, walking over to the window now.

“Jesus Paul, stop pulling on my arm, I’m fucking coming.”

There comes Ted. He stops when he sees Henry, who turned around by now. Paul slowly pushes him into the room, making him stumble a little.

“Now talk”, he just says, before he leaves and Emma closes the door.

“What?”, Ted mumbles, before he realizes what this is. He turns around to go for the door, but it’s too late. There’s already the quiet clicking sound as they lock it.

Ted hesitates, before he turns around to Henry again.

“Did they lock it?”, Henry asks.

Ted nods, mumbling a quiet “Fuck”.

Silence crawls over the room as both of them realise how awkward this is. They kissed three days ago and have been deliberately avoiding each other since.

“Do you hate me? Like are you mad?”, Ted finally brings himself to ask.

“No, why would I?”

“I don’t know. Because I kissed you and fucked off maybe.“

“I don’t hate you.” Obviously he couldn’t, even if he wanted to.

“I would understand it though”, Ted notes.

“Ted, I really don’t have the wits to decipher you.”

“Decipher me?”

“You are.. mysterious.”

“Oh. Like in a sexy way?”

Henry stays quiet and avoids his gaze now, as he tries to hide his smile. Of course in a sexy way. He lightly shakes his head though. Ted doesn’t have to know.

“I behaved like a fucking scumbag and I’m sorry.” Ted finally found the courage to say it.

“It’s alright Ted.”

“It’s not.”

“No, it is.”

“I’m just not good at this.”

“This?”

“You made me feel things.”

“Oh.” Well, Henry certainly did not see _that_ coming. He‘s getting more nervous now and starts fumbling with the fabric of the curtains to hide his trembling hands. Good God.

“You know like.. _romantic_ things?”, Ted continues, expanding the _‘romantic’._

“I figured.”

“Oh..okay.”

Ted stares at Henry, while nervously chewing his lip.

“Did you.. I don’t know, _feel_ things too?”, he then proceeds to ask. He hesitantly steps closer to Henry, carefully reaching for his hand, pulling it away from the curtains and into his. “If not, that’s alright, just say it. But.. you know, I hope you did.”

Henry just stares at Teds hand, which is now fiddling with his. It’s kind of cute, really, and he can’t help but smile. He tries to find the strength to actually say something, but his throat feels more dry than ever and even though he manages to open his mouth, he doesn’t manage to say a single word. Ultimately he settles on nodding.

Ted steps even closer. He lets go of Henrys hand now and cups his face instead.

“Ted..”, Henry mumbles.

“Sorry.” Ted takes a few steps back, slowly catching himself. “It‘s shit that we can‘t actually go anywhere, because I‘d love to take you on a date.”

Henry just keeps staring at Ted, too nervous and baffled to actually say something. His heart is beating at a rate, that‘s surely not healthy anymore.

“I can cook for you!“, Ted exclaims now, “I mean actually I can’t but I can try.”

Henry smiles, finally finding his voice again too. “You don’t have to cook for me, Ted.”

“Good, because I really don’t want to poison you. I quite like you actually.”

“You do.”

“Yeah.”

Henry brings his head up to Teds neck and starts to nervously play with his hair, while he tries to find the courage to actually say it back. 

“Can you forgive me?”, Ted asks now.

“Forgive you?”, Henry whispers, before he swallows at the lump in his throat. 

“Yes, for treating you like shit. You didn’t deserve it.”

“Okay.. yes, I will.” To be honest, Henry already forgave Ted after he said, he ‘felt things’. That was too much for his heart. 

“Like..I get it if you don’t want me anymore or.. if you never wanted me. That’s cool. Just..wanted to apologize.”

“Ted..”

“It’s alright. Nobody wants that.”

“That?”

Ted points at himself and Henrys heart goes heavy in a quick second. 

“Oh. No. No, I do. I want you Ted.”

Teds eyes widen, the corners of his mouth move up. 

“You do?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.. Well, uhm congratulations I am still available”, Ted says, stumbling over his own words in his delight. 

Henry just smiles and lightly shakes his head, before he leans in and places a delicate kiss on Teds lips. Then he eyes him, unsure now. It takes him a moment, but then Ted leans over to Henry and kisses him again. In a hesitant way, as if he’s still trying, still testing, what’s okay. Henry reaches for his head now, carefully pulling him closer in a more confident kiss. Ted reaches for Henry‘s waist, holding onto it like he tries to keep his balance, keep himself on earth too. He already lost his mind a few minutes ago anyway. His legs feel weak, like jelly, like they‘re gonna give in at any moment. He completely forgot to breath and backs away from Henry now, catching his breath. 

“Are you going to leave again?”, Henry asks, also out of breath.

Ted shakes his head. “Hell no.”

Henrys lips show a relieved smile and Ted just _has_ to kiss them again. He carefully starts pushing Henry towards the bed too, because his legs really _are_ going to give in soon, if they’re gonna keep kissing and Ted hasn’t planned on stopping anytime soon.  
They kind of stumble and ungracefully fall onto the mattress, pulling each other closer again right away. Then they lay there and cuddle, all tangled up. And they kiss, they kiss a lot.  
Until there‘s a knock on the door, causing both of them to flinch an quickly separate. Ted almost falls off the bed. He would have, if it wasn’t for Henry getting a hold of his shoulder and pulling him back. 

“Guys?” It’s Emma. “Are you still in there?”

“Where else would we be?”, Ted answers, rolling onto his stomach and over to Henry, wrapping his arm around Henrys chest, who’s still laying on his back. He brings his hand up to Henrys cheek, carefully tracing his cheekbone, later his lips, with his finger. Henry smiles. 

“I’m gonna unlock the door”, Emma says. 

They don’t answer, too focused on each other now. 

“Are you alright? I’m gonna come in.”

The door swings open and there she is. 

“Wait it actually worked?”, she asks, after a few seconds of staring in surprise.

“Looks like it.” Ted puts his head down on Henrys chest now. “But I swear to god, if you ever lock me somewhere again, I will cut you-” Henry puts his hand over Teds lips, making him shut up. He’s smiling now.

“Don’t be mean”, he whispers. 

“Sorry”, Ted mutters.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it”, Emma says, backing out of the door and closing it again. 

Henry pulls Ted closer, with Ted reacting immediately and snuggling his head into Henrys neck (but only after placing a few kisses there). 

“Are you like my boyfriend now?”, he then asks. For some reason, he’s still fearing a no. 

“If you want me to”, Henry answers, also fearing a no. 

“Yeah, duh.”

Henry smiles. He lets his fingers run through Teds hair and places a kiss on his forehead, before whispering a quiet but content “okay”.


	6. Comfort (Tedgens)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "headcanon that Henry is super touch starved and when Ted brushes arms with him, Henry just starts crying and Ted comforts him" (submitted by warriormoontail on tumblr)

They‘ve been living in the fortress for quite a while now and even if Ted didn‘t care in the beginning, he can‘t seem to unsee that the Professor seems increasingly stressed out and weary. He barely talks to them, only sometimes to Emma.

He also never joins them, when they are sitting in a group of three.

So it’s just Emma and Paul and Ted.

And to be honest, Ted is kind of sick of spending time with Emma and Paul.

They just recently got together and it‘s exhausting to be in the same room when they‘re all romantic and happy.

So Ted decided to go look for Henry, because maybe he‘s not as much of a weirdo as he always seems to be, when he‘s all alone, doing science and what else it is he‘s doing all day. Maybe he‘s actually quite nice.

Ted finds him in the kitchen and waits in the doorway for a few seconds, because the Professor doesn’t seem to notice him.

“Hey”, Ted then says.

Hidgens flinches and turns around to him. He stares at him for a while, before he turns away again, mumbling a quiet “Good God.”

“Hello Ted”, he then says, louder.

“How are you doing?”

“Fine.”

“What are you doing?”

Ted steps closer to him now, leaning against the kitchen counter next to him.

“I’m just-..”, Henry slightly turned to Ted and brushed his arm, which, for some reason, made him stop talking. He looks sad now. He’s lightly frowning and staring at Teds arm, still touching his.

“Professor?”, Ted asks.

“I’m sorry.”

He quickly turns away, focusing on something else. Ted frowns, when he believes to see tears in Hidgens eyes. He reaches for Hidgens shoulder and rests his hand there, unsure about what he’s supposed to do.

“Hey man, are you alright?”, he asks.

The Professor quickly nods but at the same time, the first tear runs over his cheek. He sobs quietly, lowering his gaze. His lower lip is trembling and his breathing went all heavy and shaky. He crosses his arms, hugging himself in some kind of way.

Ted is overchargend. He just stares at the Professor for a moment, not sure how he‘s supposed to react. Does he want to be hugged? Maybe he doesn‘t want to be touched, maybe that‘s why he‘s crying. Maybe Ted should go and get Emma, maybe she knows what to do.

“Can I hug you?”, Ted manages to ask.

The Professor sobs, but bears half a nod and therefore Ted steps closer and pulls him into his arms. It takes a few seconds, but Hidgens eventually uncrosses his arms and hugs Ted back.

He‘s normally a little taller than Ted, but now he seems so small since he let himself sink into the hug, sink against Ted. He buried his head against Teds shoulder and Ted can feel his uneven, stumbling breath in his neck.

Ted started caressing his back and he subconsciously pulls the Professor closer, after every sob.

His whole body is shaking, trembling and even if Ted doesn‘t know why Hidgens is crying, it almost makes him cry too. He‘s never been empathetic, never been good at feelings, never been good at comforting people, but somehow this broke him. Ted can‘t help himself, but hold the Professor as close as possible, he also lays his head against his.

“I’m sorry”, Henry whimpers.

“No, it’s fine. It’s okay.”

He sniffels. “Sorry.” Again.

“Professor, it’s fine.”

“You can call me Henry.”

“Okay, I will. It’s fine though. Don’t apologize.”

“Okay.”

They are silent for a while and Henry actually seems to calm down. His body stops to shake on a frequent basis and his sobs quiet down.

“Henry?”

“Yes?”

“Can I ask why you are crying?”

“It’s ridiculous.”

“I’m sure it’s not.”

“It is.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“It’s alright. The apotheosis seems to remind me of them.“

“Them?”

He doesn’t answer, he sobs instead.

“Sorry”, Ted mumbles, because he feels like he only made it worse by asking.

“They were my friends and they died in an event quite similar to this one. It didn’t spread as far however. But it took them.”

“I’m sorry.”

“None of this is your fault. I think I simply have been lacking a close relationship to another human for the past years. You know, the affection. I am undeniably not used to it anymore and you brushing my arm seemed to remind me of that.“

“Is that, like, the long and smart way to say you‘re touch-starved?“  
Henry smiles and shrugs, before he nods. Ted pulls him even closer.

“I got you then.“

Ted probably wouldn‘t admit it, but he craves intimacy too. Especially now with Charlotte gone (the only person he had to (at least) fool around), he‘s been quite lonely. And this feels nice, hugging feels nice. And Henry is warm and he smells good and his hair is soft, Ted actually enjoys this.

“You got me?”, Henry asks quietly.

“Yes, I can hug you forever if you want me to.”  
Henry chuckles, sniffling too.

“Thank you Ted.”

“You’re welcome.”

Henry breaks away a little, far enough for him to look at Ted and their faces end up pretty close. Ted does think about kissing him, for some reason. He never thought of Henry that way, but now he suddenly feels all confused and warm.  
Henry turns away first and quickly dries his cheeks with the sleeve of his pullover.

“I should..go back to the lab.”

“Oh.. alright.”

Henry seems to hesitate, before he leans forward and places a soft kiss on Teds cheek.

“Thank you”, he says again, before he goes and leaves Ted standing there.

Ted unconsciously reaches for his cheek while he stares at the door, where Henry disappeared. The kiss still tingles under his skin and now that tingly feeling wanders into his stomach too and leaves Ted all confused and overwhelmed.

Ted didn’t just develop a crush on Henry, did he? He certainly hopes not.


	7. Heard That (MacNamara x Howard)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "how much of that did you hear?" with macnamara x howard  
> requested by Jason! (gaygoldstein)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Black Friday Spoilers!! (but if you’re here, you’ve probably seen it? Like what would you do on a MacNamara/Goodman fic if you haven’t seen BF, but still, Spoilers!!)

Howard said he needed a minute. 

Just a minute to collect his thoughts and calm his nerves. 

He’s been on that balcony for fifteen minutes now and his nerves aren’t calm at all and his thoughts are scattered all over the place. 

“A portal”, he whispers to himself, “a fucking portal. It’s a one way street. I’m gonna die in there. I’m gonna fucking die in there and I’ll never come back.” 

He puts his shaking hands on the railing in an attempt to stop them from shaking, to get some kind of hold on reality. 

It’s cold, too cold, because it’s metal and he’s outside and it’s nearly december after all. 

Howard closes his eyes and takes a breath. 

“Just go in there and destroy it and come back. Easy”, he mumbles, “I’m not a coward. I was elected democratically to do this. I have to do this. I have to do this, I can do this. John is right, it must be me. ... John.” 

He frowns, just letting that name sit on his tongue. 

Under normal circumstances, he would ask him to go out for a drink, or dinner maybe. Howard likes John, there’s no denying. He’s so attractive in the way he seems so smart and dedicated.  


Howard even liked his weird puns, his sense of humour. Howard would love to get to know him better. 

“Don’t be fucking ridiculous”, he keeps going, because talking to himself has always helped him see clearer, “You can’t be thinking about that stuff now. There’s a world that needs to be safed. You can’t ask him to go for a drink, this is ridiculous. Fuck that. _Fuck_ that.” 

“Ask whom for a drink, if I may ask, sir?”

Howard spins around, his heart missing a beat. Oh god. 

_“How much of that did you hear?”_ , he fumbles out, staring at John MacNamara, who’s just leaning against the wall next to the glass door, a cigarette between his lips. 

“Quite a lot.” 

Howard just stares at him, like a deer in the head lights. 

John takes one last drag from the cigarette before he puts it out on the ash tray on top of the trash can, throwing it away. 

His gaze climbs back at Howard and he takes a few steps towards him, 

“You will not die, Mr. President. I can assure you that. I will be with you at any moment and should there be the need for backup, I will not hesitate to come for your help.” 

Howard nods lightly. “Please call me Howard”, he says. 

“Alright, Howard.” 

“I’m scared.” 

“That is perfectly understandable.” 

John now comes up all the way to Howard, stopping right in front of him. 

Howard nearly flinches when he feels Johns hand cupping his face, mostly out of surprise.

“Look me in the eyes.” 

Howard does. 

“You can make this. I know you can. And I’ll be there. I’ll be there all the time, communicating with you.” 

Howard nods. “I’ll do it.” 

A little smile sneaks on Johns lips. It’s nice. This is probably the first time Howard saw him smile. 

John let’s his hand sink again, taking a step back. 

“And should we both make it out, I’ll be looking forward to that drink, Mr. President.” 

Howard is too overwhelmed to say something coherent. 

“Howard”, is all he chokes out, quietly reminding John again to call him that instead. 

“Howard”, John repeats. 

Howard blushes now and nods. “I’m looking forward to it as well then.” 

John smiles. 

“We might-.. we might die?”, Howard then keeps going. It was meant to be a statement but it sounds like a question. 

“There is always a certain possibility, yes.” 

“It’s just, if we die, we’ll never go for that drink and we’ll never, I don’t know, find out if, if we-“, Howard doesn’t even know where he’s planning to go with this. 

John seems amused when Howard looks back up. 

He comes closer again. 

“Mr. President- ..Howard. Would you mind a kiss? Just for in case one of us doesn’t make it?” 

“Would I mind? I-.. I certainly wouldn’t _mind_.”

Howard wants to kiss that man and he wants to do it before he dies, ideally. 

John comes closer and Howard closes the gap, clinging to him for a moment, clinging to him because this might be the last thing he’ll ever do. This might be their first and last kiss. 

And now that Howard actually got to do it, he begins to hate the thought that it might have been the last one. 

John pushes another kiss on his lips, a short one, rather gentle but also perfect. 

“I’ll see you inside”, he says. 

Howard nods and John leaves. 

“Fuck”, Howard utters, because there he is, actually kind of falling for a general that he has known for a day. 

“I heard that too”, John says somewhere behind him, then the door falls shut. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let’s ignore that that acc was their last kiss? Let’s pretend they just both make it out


	8. Now Or Never (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a howard/macnamara sort of angsty fluff story, with them both coming out of the black and white!  
> (requested by coldairballoons)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I unironically called them MacMan

He stumbles out of the portal, landing on his knees. He catches himself, fumbling off the visor and pushing it away. 

Xander is at him immediately, helping him up. 

“Howie are you alright?” 

“There is no reasoning with that thing!”, he chokes out, filled with sudden rage. “Deploy the nuke! Blow that bastard to kingdom come!” 

“What about John?”, Xander asks, still holding onto Howard, “He’s still in there.” 

He is. And that is the worst thing that could have happened. 

Howard wishes it would have been him, but no, John had to come and save him like the hero he is. A goddamn hero.

John deserved better. It should have been Howard who stays back, trapped in the Black and White forever. 

And not that it matters anymore but Howard had kind of planned on asking John out, as soon as all of this is over.

“He’s gone”, Howard mumbles, “We need to kill Wiggly now.” 

“No!” 

Xander lets go off Howard, turning back to the Portal.

Howard pushes past him, when he recognises John, stumbling through. 

His clothes are ripped and he lost his beret. There’s blood over his brow and a limp in his walk. 

“John”, Howard whispers, hurrying to him now and reaching for his arms, to steady him. 

“Do not deploy the nuke. There are two doors, not one”, John says.

“Okay. Okay we won’t. Are you okay? How-..” 

John gasps quietly, stumbling against the wall now and slowly letting himself sink on the floor. 

Howard follows him, kneeling down in front of him. 

“How did you make it out? I thought you-“ 

“I could not destroy the Wiggly. I have tried my best”, John says, not answering Howards question at all but Howard decides to leave it at that. 

“I think he needs a doctor”, he shouts over his shoulder, causing everybody who has just been watching until now to frantically move around. 

“We need to find the prophet and stop her”, John keeps going. 

“We will. We will. Later.” 

John’s breath got more ragged, slowly but surely resembling an old and broken car. 

Howard hesitantly moves closer to John, reaching for his face now and gently cupping it in both of his hands. 

“You saved me.” 

“I had to.” 

“No you didn’t. You could have left me there to die.” 

“I couldn’t.” 

There is a sincerity in Johns eyes, making Howard’s heart skip a beat for a moment there. 

“John?”, Howard fumbles out. 

Now or never, right? 

“Yes. Me too”, John says, knowing exactly what Howard means, somehow. 

Howard catches Johns eyes skipping down to his lips and he smiles now, a sudden boost of confidence rushing through him. 

He leans closer, resting his forehead against Johns. 

John is the one who closes the gap, pushing his chin forward and gently fitting their lips together. 

It’s not a long kiss, since John pushes Howard away shortly after and turns his head to the side to cough up blood. 

“Oh shit”, Howard mumbles, looking around for the doctor he requested earlier. 

“That could have been romantic. I apologise”, John says, making Howard laugh quietly. 

“Don’t apologise. We can give it another try later. ..if you want to, that means. Just if you-“ 

“I would love that.” 

“Yeah?” 

John nods, even gifting Howard a smile, right before medical help comes rushing in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John survives and they go on a date after that, because I said so


	9. Literally Anything (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Howard and MacNamara doing literally anything (requested by anonymous)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s them being soft and in love!
> 
> TW: food mention

Howard sighs, fumbling with his pen, while he stares out of the window. 

He just kind of leaned back in his chair, his leg slumped over the armrest. 

It has gotten rather late, the sky has changed into a dark blue by now. 

He’s not even sure why he’s still there, he should probably just go home. 

Home, meaning upstairs. 

But he’d feel bad leaving, even if he isn’t doing anything anymore. He’s been so stressed lately and feeling guilty every time he takes a break. 

The door is pushed open now and Howard can see a familiar silhouette slip into the room, in his peripheral vision. 

“Sorry for the intrusion, Mr. President”, John says, “I hope you don’t mind if I let myself in.” 

Howard smiles, remembering their first encounter. 

“Into the oval office?”, he quotes his past self, going along with John. 

He looks up and sees John just stand there, not wearing his usual uniform but instead more comfortable clothes. Jeans and a woolly black pullover. 

John is watching him, a soft smile tracing his lips. 

“What’s going on?”, Howard asks, “Why’d you-.. why did you come here?” 

“I have been waiting for you, but you never came. I therefore decided to look for you. Just to make sure you’re alright.” 

“I’m sorry. I got caught up in my thoughts.” 

“It’s getting late. Have you eaten dinner yet?” 

“I must have forgotten.” 

John lightly tilts his head, a line of worry forming on his forehead. 

“Love-“ 

“Come here?”, Howard pleads quietly. 

John walks over to Howard, leaning against the table in front of him now. 

Howard just kind of rolls closer to him on his chair, until he’s close enough to hug him. He lets his head sink against Johns soft pullover and closes his eyes now. 

It doesn’t take long until he feels Johns hand on his back, his other hand sinking in his hair and caressing it.

“You’ve been stressed lately”, John says. It’s not a question, more of an empty statement. 

Now it’s just sitting in the room, filling it with a feeling of unease. 

Howard wishes he had more time for John. They’ve been dating for five months now, but in all that time, they’ve barely seen each other. 

John is usually just as occupied by his job as Howard and now that he finally has a few days off, Howard feels bad for not really being able to spend them with him. 

He knows John doesn’t mind, John told him often enough. But still. 

“I love you”, Howard mumbles.

“I love you too.” 

Howard smiles, turning his head more towards John and taking in the scent. It’s a mix of John and the scent of wool and Howard loves it. It’s so comforting. 

“Let’s go”, he mumbles, “We can still spend the rest of the evening together.” 

“What do you want to do?” 

“Literally anything. As long as it’s with you.” 

“We will get you something to eat first”, John decides. 

Howard smiles and nods.

“‘Kay.” 


	10. End Of The World Confessions (Batthews)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> paul x bill with paul getting really anxious about the infected at hidgens’ house and just fluff :)  
> (requested by coldairballoons!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a little carried away and forgot about the part where Paul is anxious after the first 100 words so I’m really sorry about that

Paul has been feeling anxious all day but it’s gotten worse since he’s actually been left alone with his thoughts.

At this point he’s just standing in the Professors kitchen (since no one else is there, everybody else is in the living room by the bar, getting hammered). 

Paul doesn’t feel like drinking anymore. He’s had enough. 

And it only worsened his anxiety, all to his own disappointment. 

He is now staring out of the window. 

He can see the infected outside and somehow he has a feeling that they know where he is. Maybe it’s their gazes, that keep landing on the window, maybe it’s the fact that a few of them tried to climb the high fence (without success, but still, Paul is freaked out). 

“Hey Paul”, someone says and Paul flinches, spinning around and stumbling backwards. 

Bill holds up his hands, maybe to calm him down. “I’m sorry! Sorry, it’s just me.” 

Paul slowly calms down, nodding now. 

“Hi.” 

“What are you doing?”, Bill asks. 

“Nothing.” 

“Alice just called. She’s in Clivesdale with her mom. She heard what’s happening on the radio and wanted to make sure I’m okay. She’s devastated. She can’t reach Deb.” 

“Do you think.. do you think Deb is..?” 

“Infected? I don’t know. I hope not.” 

“You hope not?” 

“I don’t like her but I don’t want her to die.” 

“Yeah.” 

Paul doesn’t even know what to say anymore. The day has been too weird, it almost feels like a fever dream. Like a really ridiculous end of the world. 

And Paul has been thinking, he’s been thinking a lot. And he thinks, if this is the end of the world, there’s a lot of stuff he still wants to say. 

To Bill, that means. 

Bill, his best friend. 

Bill, the love of his life, perhaps. 

Paul has been trying to concentrate on Emma, to keep his mind off Bill, hoping that maybe, just maybe he will fall in love with her instead. 

And he likes her, he really does but in a friendly way.

And there Bill is now, looking at Paul with his big brown eyes and confirming everything Paul has ever felt for him.

Paul is so in love. 

“You know, we might die”, Paul starts now. 

“Paul, no.” Bill lightly shakes his head and comes towards him now. 

He reaches out to him, maybe initially to calm him down. 

Paul flinches back a little, mostly because he’s really nervous all of sudden. 

Bills hand almost misses Paul and he ends up only tracing Paul’s arm with his fingertips, wandering further down until he reaches Paul’s hand. 

There’s a moment of hesitation, when Bills knuckles bump into Paul’s, maybe asking for permission, asking for some kind of reciprocation. 

Paul moves his fingers forward, stumbling over the palm of Bills hand before interlacing them with Bills. 

It’s awkward for a few seconds, silent. They avoid eye contact and Paul‘s cheeks are burning like lava. 

“We might die?”, Bill asks quietly.

“I just thought.. maybe.” 

“There’s something I should tell you.” 

Bill looks up and his eyes meet Paul’s and Paul’s heart skips a beat and before he can have one coherent thought, he leans forward and kisses Bill. 

He is so surprised by his own action that he almost immediately pulls back again, fear inhabiting him now. 

“Oh”, Bill says. 

“Sorry”, Paul blurts out. 

“We should try that again.” 

“What-..what?” 

“If you want to.” Now Bill is blushing too. 

How is this so awkward? 

Paul had always planned to be cool about it, if he ever tells Bill. And here he is now, behaving like a teenager. 

“I do”, Paul admits. 

“Me too.” 

Paul hesitates, unsure about whether or not he should just kiss Bill again.

Bill lets go of his hand now and places it on his chest instead. His other hand sinks into Paul’s hair and he takes a tiny step closer to Paul. 

Paul places his hands on Bills waist, because he never knows what to do with his hands and especially not now since his brain stopped working a few minutes ago. 

Then there’s Bills forehead resting against Paul’s and his nose bumps into Paul’s and Paul can feel his breath on his lips and his hand in his hair and his hand on his chest and it’s almost too much because it’s too perfect. Too good to be true. 

Bills lips meet Paul’s and Paul’s eyes flutter shut. A quiet sigh escapes him, because this is all he wanted _for a while_. 

Paul lets his arms slide from Bills waist around his back, pulling him close. 

Bill smiles against his lips, but doesn’t stop. 

The kiss doesn’t end for a while, as they both just kind of melt into it, neither of them feeling the hurry to stop anytime soon. 

When they break away, both of them smile. An awkward chuckle bubbles up in Paul’s throat because he’s too happy to keep it in. 

“That’s what I wanted to tell you”, Bill says. 

“Me too.” 

“Since we might die.” 

“I hope we don’t.” 

Bill smiles and pulls Paul in a hug, pressing a kiss on his temple. 

“I love you, Paul.” 

Paul laughs quietly. “I love you.” 

It feels so good to finally say it. 

So he says it again and again and again. “I love you I love you I love you I love you.” 

He knows that Bill is smiling as well, without looking him. He hears it in the way he talks. 

“We’ll survive this. Maybe we can go on a date as soon as this is over.”

“Yes.” 

“A cup of black coffee, perhaps.” 

“And a caramel frappe for you”, Paul says, “Nothing better!” 

Bill laughs. “I love you. I’ve been wanting to tell you for so long.” 

“Me too.” 

“Now there’s at least one good thing coming out of the end of the world.” 

“There is.” 

Paul just kisses Bill again. Because he’s been waiting so long to do it so he might as well do it as much as he physically can now. 

Bill smiles and pulls him closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deb isn’t infected, her phone died. Because I want that. She’s safe and sound.


	11. Behind The Bleachers (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> macman’s first kiss while hiding behind the bleachers during their senior prom 
> 
> requested by Miles!!! (coldairballoons)

_Queen_ is blasting over the speakers and the whole gym is lit up with way too many colourful fairy lights.

Howard wasn’t really looking forward to this evening, considering he had no one to go with. His best friend Bob didn’t want to and he didn’t have the courage to ask out John. 

He’s been crushing on John for a while, two years to be more specific. 

But John is the captain of the football team and also pretty much the most desired guy at the whole school so it’s pretty clear why Howard couldn’t just ask. 

And Howard might be class president but that’s honestly not something that deems him ‘cool’ in the eyes of the other students. 

Howard is generally respected, but he’s not cool. Unlike the football team. And John.

So it’s not exactly far-fetched that Howard is surprised when John tips his shoulder. 

“Howard?” 

Howard turns around and stares at him, completely forgetting that he’s supposed to answer. 

John looks perfect in the colourful lights.

He tied his rather long hair up into half a bun and Howard just kind of really wants to run his hands through it because it looks so very soft. 

“Are you alright?”, John asks now, frowning lightly. 

“Yes”, Howard fumbles out, “What is.. up?”

“I was wondering if you would like to dance.” 

“With you?” 

“That was the idea, yes.” 

“Like..” 

“Yes.” 

“Yeah. Okay. Sure. Yes.” 

This is fine. 

Howard is not even freaking out. 

John holds out his hand and Howard reaches for it, thankful for the colourful lights because he can already feel himself blushing. 

It’s a slow song. 

And before Howard can get used to the fact that this will probably mean that they’ll slow dance, John pulls him close. 

They sway in silence for a while and Howard is actually thankful for that because it means that he has some time to get used to the fact that this is actually happening. 

“I, uhm.. didn’t know you know my name”, he says after a while. 

“Of course I do, Mr President.” 

Howard chuckles nervously, letting his gaze drop on Johns chest, because he can no longer manage to look into his eyes without having to fight the urge to kiss him. 

“I hope you don’t mind me asking you for a dance”, John says now. 

“Not at all.” 

“Can I admit something?” 

“Sure.” 

“I had initially planned on asking you here as my date tonight.” 

This is probably one of the reasons why Howard likes John so much. He’s so honest. It’s refreshing. 

“Why?”, Howard asks. 

“I like you.” 

“Why?”, Howard asks again, making John laugh. 

“Why not?” 

“It’s just hard to believe.” 

“Not at all.” 

“Can I ask why you didn’t.. ask?” 

“The same reason you didn’t ask me. I was nervous.” 

“How do you know I wanted to ask you?” 

“Do you think I never notice you looking at me?” 

Now that was bold. Howard is into it, somehow. 

“I was very discreet”, he defends himself. 

“Oh, I’m sure. I suppose I only noticed, because I was looking too.” 

“Oh?” 

“I’m sorry that couldn’t get myself to ask, I hope a dance will do too.” 

“I can give you more than one dance.” 

That sounded weirdly perverse. Well done Howard. 

John chuckles. 

“Like?” 

“Two dances.” 

“I’d love that.” 

Howard didn’t miss John stepping a little closer. 

And he doesn’t mind, not at all. 

It’s just that he has never kissed anyone and on top of that, he’s way too shy to just kiss someone in front of a lot of people and John is not even just someone, he’s John MacNamara. 

John may be used to the attention but Howard isn’t. 

As much as he’d love to kiss John, he’s really not ready to go all PDA on everybody there. 

So when John rests his head against Howard’s, Howard kind of ducks away. 

“John?” 

“Yes?” 

“Let’s go somewhere else?” 

John nods. “Okay.” 

“Meet me behind the bleachers?” 

Before John can answer, Howard lets go off him and pushes through the crowd to the bathroom. 

It’s completely empty. 

“Okay”, he whispers, “ _fuck_.”

He needs a moment, just holding onto the sink with both of his hands. 

Then he quickly smells his breath, settling on the fact that it must be good enough, since there’s nothing he can do about it right now anyway.

He didn’t bring mints or gum, he didn’t expect this to happen. 

He shouldn’t take too long, he shouldn’t let John wait. 

He splashes some water in his face, drying it with a few too many paper towels. 

Then he stares at himself in the mirror, taking a deep breath. 

“Okay”, he whispers again, before he pushes himself away from the sink and hurries to the door. 

— 

John is already waiting for him, leaning against the wall behind the bleachers. A smile forms on his lips when he spots Howard. 

“Mr President.” 

Howard blushes. “Don’t call me that.” 

He can’t deny that he kind of likes it. 

“Howard”, John says. 

“John”, Howard says. 

“I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable earlier. If I did, I apologise.” 

“Fuck, no. I just.. there were so many people around.” 

“So that was what stopped you?” 

Howard nods, coming closer to John now. John doesn’t make a move, maybe he’s afraid to go too far, considering Howard’s escape earlier. 

“Just that?”, John goes on, still watching Howard. 

“I never kissed anyone.” 

“Do you want to?” 

“Yes.” 

“Because if you don’t, that’s fine.” 

“But I want to. Just not in front of everyone.” 

“I get that.” 

Howard stops in front of John now, hesitantly resting his hand against his chest and pushing him back against the wall. 

John smiles. 

“I like you, Howard Goodman”, he says. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yes. I have for a while.” 

“Me too. Liking _you_ , that means. Not me. I mean I don’t hate myself I just.. don’t like myself, not in the way I like you. I think that would be weird, right? I mean-..” 

Howard just gives up on talking at that point. 

John smiles, a little too amused. “Yeah, I understood.” 

“Okay”, Howard mumbles. 

He can feel Johns hands on his waist now and that gives him enough confidence to reach up to his face, cupping it with both hands. 

His heart is beating like a pneumatic hammer at this point and a part of him still thinks this is some kind of absurd dream. 

John pulls him closer and soon Howard is leaning in his arms, their lips just inches apart. 

“Sure?”, John whispers. 

“Please.” 

John pushes his chin forward and fits their lips together.

Howard is a little overwhelmed at first, partly because this is his first time and he’s not sure what he’s supposed to do and also he’s kissing John MacNamara out of all people. 

But it works, somehow. 

He kind of lets himself melt into it, just going along with everything John does and it feels amazing. 

Johns lips are all soft and his hands slowly slip off Howard’s waist and instead wrap around his upper body, pulling him in a close embrace. 

Howard lets his hand wander into Johns hair and it really is as smooth as it looks. 

He kind of forgets about being careful for a second and just lets his fingers sink deep into the blond locks, accidentally pulling a few strands out of the bun and completely fucking up Johns hairstyle. 

John doesn’t seem to mind, he just smiles and keeps kissing Howard. 

“Would you go out with me?”, John mutters against his lips, throwing it in between two kisses. 

“Yes.” 

John smiles and so does a Howard and that’s when they have to pull away because kissing doesn’t work with smiles that bright. 

“Yeah?”, John asks. 

Howard nods. 

“I’d love to.” 

“How about tomorrow?” 

“That should work.” 

“I really should have asked you to prom.” 

“It’s fine. We ended up behind the bleachers anyway.” 

John smiles and leans forward to press a kiss on Howard’s lips. 

“Want to make out for a while?” 

Howard nods. “Yes.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John is a jock and Howard is a nerd pass it on


	12. Trapped (Bribe GuyxPapa Ed) (or Jed)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> requested by Miles! (coldairballoons)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is solely based on those three seconds of eye contact between them during What If Tomorrow Comes
> 
> Also Bribe Guy’s name is Jack bc Miles said so

Ed panics when he notices the fire, the smoke crawling up. 

He’s still in Toy Zone, the back section. 

Someone pushed him on the floor in the earlier chaos and before he could push himself up and run, a shelf came loose and fell on his leg, trapping him there. 

The ones who got a Wiggly ran and the others went god knows where. 

He had hope, at first, that someone would find him and help him. But it doesn’t seem like anyone will come, he’s been there for hours and he can’t even feel his leg anymore. 

The shelf is too heavy for him to push up on his own, especially in his position on the floor. 

The smoke crawls closer and he has to cough now. 

“Help!”, he shouts in one last attempt to maybe get someone’s attention, “help! I’m here- I’m here..” 

His voice cracks and he sobs quietly when he realises that he will probably die in there. 

He sits up and tries to push the shelf up once again, but with no success. 

He pulls the hem of his pullover up and holds it over his mouth and nose. 

The smoke is drawing tears in his eyes. 

He can hear several people scream, probably burning to death. 

He reaches into his pocket, for Peanuts, just to make sure he’s still there. 

“I’m sorry”, he whispers, coughing again and crying now. 

He’s not going to make it. 

He slowly sinks back on he floor, giving up. 

“Sorry Peanuts”, he whispers, closing his eyes, because they’re burning from the smoke and the heat. 

“Ed?” 

He frowns, opening his eyes again. 

“Ed? Is that you?” 

Someone kneels down in front of him.

“Jack”, Ed mutters, when he recognises him. 

Of course. 

“Come on, let’s get you out of here.” 

“I’m trapped and I can’t get it off, I’m-.. I’m fucking trapped”, Ed tries to explain, still panicking. 

“I’m here. I’m not leaving without you.” 

Jacks hands are suddenly on his face, wiping the tears off. 

“I’m here”, he says again, before he lets go off Ed and reaches for the shelf.

“Okay on three”, he says. 

Ed nods. 

“One.” 

Ed sits up and readies himself to pull his leg out from under the shelf. 

“Two.” 

Jacks eyes are sitting on Ed, calmly sending him reassurance, calming him down. 

“Three.” 

He pulls the shelf up and Ed pushes himself away before Jack let’s the shelf drop again. 

“Can you walk?” 

Jack reaches under Ed’s arms to pull him up. 

“I don’t know.” 

“I’ve got you, love.” 

“How did you find me?” 

“I was gonna run but then I heard your shouts for help.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Hey, of course. I love you.” 

It’s quiet as they both realise what Jack just said. 

That was the first time one of them said it.

They’ve been dating for a month, been friends for two years and this was the first time.

“Yeah?”, Ed whispers. 

Jack seems to want to answer but at the same time there‘s an explosion, a few aisles over. 

“We have to go”, Jack says. 

Ed nods, trying to put his weight on his hurt leg now and immediately giving up because the pain is nearly unbearable. 

“Okay that ..fucking hurts”, he admits, gasping for air and gritting his teeth. 

Jack reaches for his arm and puts it over his shoulders to give him some sort of support. 

“And like that?” 

He starts walking, pulling Ed along. 

Ed limps and it still hurts a lot but it kind of works good enough.

“Yeah”, Ed says, shifting his weight onto Jack. 

They leave as quick as they can, going for the back door. 

They make it outside, both of them coughing at this point. 

Ed let’s himself sink on the floor, laughing in relief between coughs. 

Jack sits down next to him, carefully pulling him against his chest. Ed smiles, closing his eyes for a moment, as he can slowly but surely breath normally again. 

He can feel Jack rest his chin on the top of his head. 

“I love you too”, he whispers. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

He can feel Jacks lips press against his forehead for a moment. 

“We should get you to a hospital.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous.” 

He lets go of Ed now and pushes himself closer to his leg to examine it. 

“How bad is it?”, Ed asks. 

Jack shrugs. “I don’t know”, he admits. “My car isn’t far. Think you can make it?” 

Ed nods. 

“If you help me.” 

“Of course.” 


	13. Mornings (Jed)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed and Jack fluff with Peanuts!   
> requested by Miles!! (coldairballoons)

Ed groans quietly when the alarm goes off. 

He rolls over to the edge of the bed to turn it off, just slapping his phone until the noise finally stops. 

Then he rolls on his back and stares at the ceiling, his eyes only halfway opened.

He feels an arm sneaking around his chest as Jack crawls closer, just wrapping himself around Ed. 

“Hi”, he whispers into the crook of Ed’s neck, making him smile. 

“Hey”, Ed mumbles. 

“Five more minutes yeah?” 

“Ten.” 

“You’ll be late for work.” 

“I don’t care.”

“Okay.” 

Ed can feel Jack smile against his skin, before he presses a kiss against his collarbone. 

This is peaceful. So peaceful that Ed plays with the thought of not going to work at all, only for a moment. He could just call in sick and lay in bed with Jack like this forever. 

He lets his nose drop against Jacks head now, placing a soft kiss there as he wraps his arms around his warm body. 

He‘s looking forward to when he can wake up like this everyday, even if it makes it so much harder for him to get up. 

He will wake up like this every day, soon. 

He asked Jack to move in with him the day before and he said yes. 

Ed smiles when he remembers. 

They had watched movies and they drank cheap wine and ate way too many self made burritos. 

It was perfect. 

This is perfect. 

His alarm goes off again and he realises that he must have hit snooze earlier. 

He fully turns it off, now awake for real as Jack slowly seems to drift back to sleep. 

Peanuts must have noticed him being awake too, because he suddenly drops into bed, right on Ed’s chest out of god knows where. 

Ed smiles, reaching out for him and letting his hand run over his back. 

“Love?”, he whispers, noticing Jacks breathing slowing down again. 

“Stay”, Jack mutters, half asleep. 

Ed smiles, carefully reaching for Jacks arm to free himself. 

“I have to feed Peanuts”, he says.

“Mh.” Jack pulls him closer once more, his hand moving up to Ed’s cheek but stopping when he brushes Peanuts. 

“Hey buddy”, he whispers. 

He caresses him for a moment, before he continues where he stopped, his hand cupping Ed’s cheek to pull him closer, kissing the other. 

Then he lets go, gently nudging Ed out of the bed. 

“Have fun at work.” 

Ed smiles, sitting up now and throwing his legs over the edge of the bed. 

“I surely will”, he says. 

“Be careful and stay hydrated, love you”, Jack utters into the pillow, almost completely off to sleep again. 

“Love you too”, Ed says, before he reaches for Peanuts and sets him onto his shoulder, getting up now. 


	14. Rainbow Road (Emmalatte)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “why do i love you?” with charlottexemma! (and they’re playing mario kart)  
> requested by Jason! (gaygoldstein)
> 
> (it‘s kinda been a while since I wrote this, I posted it on tumblr and forgot to post here whoops)

“There comes point in life, where god distinguishes between winners and losers”, Emma says, reaching for another gummy worm, a cheeky grin on her lips. “This is one of those.” 

Then she takes a bite, looking over at Charlotte, who just laid down on the floor, her controller on her belly, after once another defeat. 

“Oh shut up”, Charlotte mumbles, “How are you so good at this?” 

“Years of practice, babe.” 

“Can we play something else?” 

“No, we watch the ceremony now.” 

Charlotte sighs and looks back at the TV, still loading, before the music sets in and it zooms in on the victory podium. 

“Do you see that?”, Emma asks, pointing at the TV, still smiling brightly. 

Charlotte rolls her eyes, but nods, watching as Luigi waves from the highest spot of the podium, the 1st place. 

Charlottes Baby Peach didn’t even make it on the podium. 

“Look at him”, Emma says, sounding like a proud mom. 

“I would be there too if it wasn’t for you kicking me off the rainbow road thrice”, Charlotte complains quietly. 

“If you didn’t want me to push you, you should have tried being better.” 

Charlotte sighs dramatically. _“Why do I love you?”_

Emma looks at her, before scooching over.

“Because I’m really good at Mario Kart?” 

“That’s not the reason.”

“Come on.” 

Charlotte smiles, shaking her head. 

Emma leans down, reaching for Charlottes cheek while she starts to place kisses on her temple. 

“Are you trying to make me forgive you for pushing me?”, Charlotte asks, a smile gracing her lips. She tries to stay serious, not wanting to admit that it works. 

Emma’s teeth lightly hit Charlottes skin when she grins. 

“I didn’t push you, you were in my way”, Emma objects.

“You pushed me on purpose.” 

Emma stops with the kisses now. 

“Maybe a little. It was funny.” 

“No!” 

“Yes it was.” Emma giggles, her breath hitting Charlottes lips. 

Charlotte just shakes her head, before pulling her down in a kiss. 

Emma tastes sweet, like the gummy worms they’ve been eating. 

“Do you wanna choose the next game?”, Emma then asks, softly now, probably trying to apologise for pushing her girlfriend off the rainbow road (thrice). 

“We could also kiss for a while”, Charlotte whispers back, her eyes already dropping down to Emma’s lips again. 

“Okay, I’m into that.” 

Charlotte giggles and Emma pushes the controller off her belly, before she lets herself drop onto Charlotte as they pull each other into another kiss. 


	15. Worry (Hidgens & Emma)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Professor Hidgens being a dad to Emma!!  
> requested by Anon :)))

“Emma! What is this?” 

Emma looks up to see Professor Hidgens stare at her in shock. 

Class just ended and now she’s leaning against the wall in front of the building, having a smoke. 

“The cigarette?”, she asks. 

“This isn’t good for you!” 

“Professor, as far as I know, you smoke too, so..?” 

“Well this is not about me. You’re damaging your lungs. Are you alright?” 

“Yeah I’m fine.” 

“How is your home situation?” 

He looks so concerned. 

And he’s right, Emma is not fine.

She doesn‘t smoke, usually. Not often anyway. 

She’s been stressed lately and this morning she snapped at Paul, even though he didn’t do anything and now she feels like shit because she regrets it. 

She doesn’t know what to do anymore, so now she’s stress smoking. And of course her favourite professor noticed. 

But she didn’t think he’d care. 

”Do you need help?”, he keeps asking and she slowly realises that she never answered his question. 

“I’m just stressed”, she says. 

“Are you sure?” 

She shrugs. “And I had a fight with Paul this morning and now I feel like shit about it.” 

“Does he treat you right? Did he hurt you?” He looks so alarmed, suddenly. Even more than he did before. 

“Jesus-.. Shit, _no!_ He’d never hurt me. The fight was my fault. I snapped at him and I regret it. I was mean.” 

The professor seems to relax, nodding lightly and Emma throws the butt of her cigarette on the ground, stepping on it and crushing it with her shoe. 

“I’m okay. Don’t worry, yeah?”, she says now. 

“Do you need a drive home?” 

Emma smiles. She wants to say no at first, because she really doesn’t want to be a burden, but he still looks concerned and she feels like it would calm him down, to help. 

“That would be nice”, she gives in. 

He smiles and nods towards his car. 

“Come with me”, he says before his feet set into motion and she quickly follows him. 


	16. Wednesday It Is (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MacMan with a little bit of y e a r n i n g  
> requested by Anon!!

Howard stares at John. 

From a safe distance that means. 

They’re in the Oval Office. 

Bob is there too and Xander Lee and they‘re discussing important stuff and all Howard can do is sit there and stare at Johns side profile. 

He likes to imagine things he will never have. 

Like John and him.

That would be nice, wouldn’t it? 

Holding Johns hand, holding John, holding him close. Falling asleep next to each other, waking up together. 

Falling in love. Just falling in love with each other, slowly but surely and then when they’re already in love, they still fall every day, because of little things.

Like bringing each other coffee or watching the news together. 

Howard wants to run his fingers through Johns hair because it looks so soft, it looks literally perfect. 

Howard wants to kiss John, hell he wants to do more than kiss (but that can wait, he’s not that desperate). 

“Mr. President?” 

Howard flinches and quickly looks away. 

“Excuse me”, he mumbles, before he looks up again. 

He lets his eyes wander through the room now, confused because Xander and Bob are gone. 

“Are you alright?”, John asks. 

Howard nods. “Yes”, he fumbles out.

A slight smiles sneaks on Johns lips and Howard swallows when he realises that he might have stared at those exact lips for a little too long. 

He quickly gets up when John comes closer. 

“I’m sorry. I’m not feeling very well I suppose. I should-“ 

He stops when John reaches for his arm to make him stay. 

“Mr. President-“ 

“I told you you can call me Howard.” 

“Howard. Stop me if I’m misinterpreting your actions but I believe to read affection in your lingering eyes.” 

Who talks like that? Howard is so attracted to him. 

“What?” He laughs nervously. 

“So I did misinterpret?” 

Howard blushes. “No”, he admits. 

Johns eyebrow shoots up, as in surprise. Then his lips break into a smile. 

“I, uhm..”, Howard starts, cursing himself for not thinking about what to say before he opened his mouth. “Do you mind?” 

“Mind your affection? Quite the contrary, Howard.” 

“Oh?” 

“What should we do about that?” 

“Do you ..want to do something?” 

John chuckles now, amusement showing in his expression and Howard might as well die. How is he so bad at this? He always thought he was quite decent at flirting but this is a train-wreck. 

“How about dinner?”, John asks. 

“Dinner sounds great.” 

“When are you free?” 

“Always. I mean.. wednesday, maybe.” 

John smiles. “Wednesday it is.” 

He reaches for Howard’s hand now, pulling it up to his lips and pressing a kiss on his knuckles.

“I will see you then Mr. President.” 

And with that he lets go of Howard’s hand and leaves. 

Wednesday it is. 


	17. How ‘Bout A Dance? (Tedgens)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tedgens slow dancing in the kitchen in their pajamas when there’s no music playing in the middle of the night  
> requested by Miles! (coldairballoons)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rlly tried to sound poetic in the beginning there

The moonlight is tumbling through the window, falling onto the kitchen counter and getting caught up in the concrete. 

Henry has been staring at it for a while now, trying to get a hold of his thoughts, since they’re just disposed all over the place. 

Scuffing footsteps approach through the corridor, then the door hinge creaks when Ted enters the kitchen. 

A slight smile sneaks on Henrys lips when he feels two arms crawl around his waist. 

Teds chest is warm against his back and his lips are pressing a kiss in his neck, for a moment. 

“What are you doing?”, Ted mumbles, his voice sleepy and hoarse. “Come back to bed, yeah?”

“I couldn’t sleep”, Henry admits. 

“What kept you from it?” 

“I don’t know.” 

He turns to Ted now, leaning into the embrace. 

He rests his nose against Teds shoulder and closes his eyes, letting his nearness calm him down, lull him in. 

“Nightmare?”, Ted keeps asking. 

“I think so. I don’t remember the dream itself.” 

“I’ve got you now.” 

Henry smiles. 

Ted is so sympathetic. 

Henry would have never thought, back when they met.   
Ted is not the kind of person who openly shows feelings to random strangers. 

It took a while for him to open up, but it was worth it, solely based on moments like this one. 

Ted pulls him a little closer and starts to sway, until his movements merge into a rather slow dance. 

Henry smiles and dances along. 

Ted always does this, when he wants to calm Henrys nerves. It works every time. 

Dancing to the silence in the middle of the night. 

Henry doesn’t particularly enjoy always being so restless but he loves this, he loves being held like this. 

They dance in silence for a while, until Ted turns his head to Henrys and places soft kisses against his temple and onto his hair. And Henry buries his face in Teds neck in response, a smile gracing his lips. 

“I love you”, he whispers. 

“I love you too.” 

Teds hand carefully rubs over his back now, drawing circles. 

“Back to bed?”, he asks. 

Henry nods. “Okay.” 

Ted let’s go off him and reaches for his hand to lead him out of the kitchen. 


	18. Staying Home (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> macman with one being sick and the other being like “bb you’ve gotta stay home,,”  
> requested by Miles! (coldairballoons)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:   
> \- sickness 
> 
> I was gonna make Howard the sick one until I realised that he would probably happily stay home at the slightest cough so there wouldn’t have been much arguing

“No no no no what the fuck are you doing?” 

Howard hurries to John who’s just dizzily trying to dress himself, buttoning his shirt in the middle of the room. 

He’s pretty shaky on his legs and his eyes keep fluttering shut. Howard is surprised that he didn’t fall over yet when he reaches him and grabs his arms to steady him. 

“Hey”, he whispers, leading him back to the bed. John stumbles along, letting out a quiet sigh when Howard gently sets him onto the bed. 

He left him alone for five minutes. Five fucking minutes. And he’s already trying to go to work. 

“I’m alright, Howard”, John protests quietly, his husky voice proving the complete opposite of his words. 

“No, no you’re not.” 

Howard puts the back of his hand against Johns glowing forehead, hesitantly watching him when he flinches a little. 

“You should stay home”, he notes, pushing sweaty-wet strands of his hair behind his ear. 

“I’m afraid I can not do that.” 

“I’m gonna phrase this differently. You _will_ stay home.” 

John opens his mouth, likely to object. Howard just shakes his head and John bites his lip, giving up. 

“Okay”, he gives in. 

Howard nods lightly and unbuttons Johns shirt again, pushing it off his shoulders. 

“But I could very well go to work. I’m not that sick”, John says quietly. 

“Of course you could.” 

Howard goes for the closet now to get a new T-Shirt for John. 

“Arms up”, he says and John silently complies. 

Howard fumbles the T-Shirt onto him, before he pulls the covers away. 

“Come on.” 

John pushes himself back into bed, sinking into the pillows. 

Howard tugs him in while John watches him. 

“Can I get you something? Tea? Medicaments?” 

“No, I will be alright.” 

“How about a hug?” 

A smile sneaks on Johns lips and Howard takes that as a yes. 

“Move over.” 

“You will catch it too”, John quietly protests. 

“I don’t care.” 

“That is incredibly irresponsible.” 

“Move over, love.” 

John moves over and Howard slips into bed next to him, wrapping his arms around Johns warm frame. 

John lets his head sink against Howards almost immediately, burying his fingers in the fabric of his shirt and clinging to him. 

“Thank you”, he whispers. 

“Get some rest, yeah?” 

“Okay. Love you.” 

Howard smiles. 

“I love you.” 


	19. Cuddles And Flirts (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MacMan cuddling and flirting!  
> requested by Miles! (coldairballoons)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: slightly nsfw?  
> but also not that much, like nothing really happens, I can’t write smut lol

Howard smiles when he hears the door click open. 

“Hi love”, he says, looking up from his work for a moment, when John steps into the living room. 

“Hey”, John says, before he lets himself fall on his back, onto the couch.

“Rough day?”, Howard asks. 

“As rough as any day.” 

“There’s leftovers if you’re hungry.” 

“I’m hungry for you.” 

Howard smiles and when he looks up he sees that John does too. 

“I thought you were exhausted.” 

John chuckles and opens his arms. 

“Can I hold you for a while?” 

Howard nods and immediately leaves all of his work behind, having stopped caring about it minutes ago anyway. 

He lays down on top of John, tugging his head under Johns chin and closing his eyes when John wraps his arms around him. 

“Thank you”, John whispers and Howard smiles. 

“No thank _you_.” 

“You smell good.”

“Thanks you too.” 

“What are you working on?” 

“Ugh, nothing important. Let’s not talk about work.” 

“That is fine with me.” 

Johns hand caresses through Howard’s hair now, before he lets it wander lower, drawing circles on his back. 

Howard looks up now, framing Johns face with his fingers and staring at him for a bit. 

John is truly beautiful, how could he not stare? 

“Are you enjoying the view?” 

“Yes.” 

John smiles, his hand wandering lower down Howard’s back now, sinfully low. 

“What’s your hand doing?”

“Resting there.” 

“How obscene.” 

“I have a feeling you’re intrigued.” 

“Oh I am.”   


Howard leans down to kiss John, melting into it until John careful pulls away again. 

“Do you want to-“ 

“-take this to the bedroom?”

John smiles. “Yes?”, he whispers. 

Howard nods, smiling too. “Yes I do.” 


	20. Past Lies And Fears (Tedgens)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry dwells on bad memories about a past relationship and Ted is there to make him feel better  
> requested by Miles! (coldairballoons)

“Henry?” 

Henry flinches a little, at the sound of Teds voice. 

He’s been on the balcony for a while, just staring at the lawn in front of his house while his thoughts took over his whole ability to function.

“Yes?”, he asks now. 

“You’ve been out here for like an hour. It’s getting cold. Why don’t you come inside?” 

“I’m not cold.” 

Henry is cold. 

He doesn’t even know why he’s lying. Maybe lying is what he can do best. 

At least that’s what Chad said when he broke up. That Henry is a liar and he can’t trust him and he doesn’t feel like Henry loves him and also he found someone else. 

Henry loved Chad. He did. 

Good god, he loved him more than anything. 

He just never knew how to show it and maybe yes, maybe he lies sometimes but that’s just about small things, nothing big. And he always does it before he even knows what he’s doing and then it’s too late and he’d feel ridiculous to tell the truth. 

Ted steps closer to him, his hands resting against Henrys upper arms for a moment, then he just slips his arms around his upper body. 

“Hen, you’re freezing.” 

Henry doesn’t answer. He doesn’t know what to say. Yes he’s cold, yes he’s a liar, yes he’s really fucking scared of Ted leaving him like Chad did. 

He can’t loose Ted, Ted is the best thing that happened to him in years. 

“Are you okay?”, Ted asks quietly. 

And that’s when Henry looses control. He’s not okay, he knows that, he’s known for a while. 

But that question is too much, somehow. 

Suddenly Henrys eyes are burning and he has to bite down on his bottom lip to stop it from trembling. 

He swallows, in some desperate way to get rid of the lump in his throat. 

“Henry?” 

Ted sounds concerned now. 

Henry sniffles quietly when the first tear rolls and Ted lets go off him, reaching for his shoulders to turn him around. 

“You’re crying”, he states, looking only slightly overwhelmed. 

“No”, Henry lies. 

“Why?”

Henry shrugs. 

“Don’t wanna talk about it?” 

Henry shrugs again, then he nods, because he really doesn’t, not now. 

“Come inside, yeah?” 

Henry nods. So Ted puts his arm around Henrys waist and leads him back inside, closing the door behind them. 

“Would you leave me?”, Henry asks, knowing how pointless the question is. 

Ted frowns. “I’m not planning on it, no.” 

“I just.. sorry.” 

“Hey, you know I love you?” 

Henry nods lightly. 

“Sorry.” 

“Jesus Christ, don’t-.. don’t apologise.” 

“Okay, sorry.” 

“Come here.” 

Before Henry can obey, Ted is pulling him in his arms, pressing his lips against Henrys temple before he rests his head on his shoulder. 

“I love you so much”, he whispers. 

“I love you too. I love you”, Henry mumbles. 

“So everything’s fine yeah?” 

“Yeah, sorry. I just.. my last relationship didn’t end well, I don’t want this to be like that.” 

“When was that?” 

“College.” 

“Man! You’re-“ 

“51 I know. I should be over it by now. His words just really stuck with me and being alone for so long wasn’t exactly boosting my confidence.” 

“Well I’m here to boost your confidence now. You’re the greatest person alive.” 

Henry smiles. 

“Shut up Ted.” 

“No you shut up. You’re amazing and I don’t even deserve you.” 

Henry blushes. 

“I don’t deserve you.” 

“You deserve everything.” 

“Then so do you.” 

Ted chuckles and pulls away to kiss Henry now. 

“I made pasta, I actually came outside to tell you that”, he then says, “Are you hungry?” 

“Good god, yes.” 

“Good because I got carried away and made a lot.” 

“I love you, did I say that recently?” 

“Can’t hear it enough.” 

“I love you, I love you, I love you.” 

Ted smiles and pulls Henry in a quick kiss. 

“Love you too. Now come on, it’s getting cold.” 


	21. Nightmares (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Howard has a nightmare and John is there for him  
> requested by Miles! (coldairballoons)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mention of abusive relationship

Howard sits up in bed, drenched in sweat and with his heart beating a lot faster than it probably should. 

He didn’t have nightmares like this one for months. He had kind of hoped he had finally escaped it, escaped him. But no, of course he’s still there, lingering in his mind like a plaque. 

“Howard”, John whispers now, his hand grabbing his T-Shirt and pulling him back into bed. 

Howard slowly lets himself sink onto his back, still trying to calm down his breath and heartbeat. 

John wraps his arm around him and pulls himself closer, his head resting in Howards neck and his hand pushing under his shirt, coming to a rest on his rips, for the sake of touching his skin.

He seems to hesitate now, kind of just freezing. 

“Are you alright?”, he then whispers, “You are sweating.” 

“Yeah it’s just.. hot in here.” 

John doesn’t answer, instead pushing his hand up to Howard’s heart. 

“You are clearly stirred up”, he notes, before he pulls away. 

“It was just a nightmare”, Howard admits, before he finally dares to look at John. 

He regrets looking at him as soon as their eyes meet because there’s so much concern in Johns face. 

“Are you alright?”, he asks again.

Howard lightly shakes his head. 

“What happened in said nightmare?” 

“Do you.. remember my ex? The one I ran away from? I told you about him.” 

“He is the reason for your disheveled sleep?” 

Howard nods lightly. 

“I’m sorry. It didn’t happen for a while, I thought-“ 

“No, don’t apologise. You have become too acclimated to feeling guilty about phenomenons that are not your fault.“

“Sorry. I’m working on that.” 

“He’s gone. He has no information about your current location.” 

“I know.”

“And should he somehow find out, I’m right here for your protection.” 

“Just for my protection?”, Howard jokes quietly. 

John smiles. 

“I can also hold you?”

“Please.” 

John pulls Howard close to his chest, spooning him and burying his face in his neck to press a kiss there. 

“You’re okay now”, he whispers and Howards nods lightly, leaning more into him. 

It’s okay now. 


	22. Anxiety And (Light) Stab Wounds (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Macman with anxious Howard!!   
> requested by Anon!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:   
> \- stab wound   
> \- blood

Howard is pacing the floor of the Oval Office, nervously staring at the clock every once in a while. 

“Fuck”, he whispers, “ _Fuck_ , he should be back by now! He should have shown some sign of life two hours ago!” 

“Howard-“, Bob starts softly. 

“He’s dead.” 

Bob hesitates, knowing that Howard is very likely to be right about that. 

“No”, he then says. 

“Yes he is.” 

Howard can feel his heart pound in his chest, panicking just like he is.   
His hands have been sweaty for the past hour and he wipes them on his pants once again, trying to ignore how much they are shaking. 

He knew that Johns mission was risky.

John didn’t give him much to hold on to, much to calm him down. 

He just worried him more, when Howard asked where he’s going for that mission. 

_That Information is classified, Love._

But the way he held Howard that morning indicated that it’s risky. The way he kissed Howard goodbye, like there’s a possibility that it’s the last time. 

I love you, he said, then he left for what seems to be forever now. 

He promised to call Howard that afternoon. 

He said it shouldn’t take longer than five hours. 

He will call him, so Howard knows he’s okay. 

“Howard”, Bob whispers now, coming closer and reaching out for his arm and Howard realises that he started to cry. He chokes on his tears, sobbing as he gasps for air. 

Bob pulls him in a hug. 

“There is still hope.” 

“He didn’t call.” 

“There could be multiple reasons for that.” 

“He-“ 

Howard stops when his phone rings. 

He lets go off Bob and hurries to it, his heart skipping a beat when he sees the name on the display. 

“John?” 

“Yes, it is me.” 

“Fuck!” 

“I admit there have been some complications, but I should be home with you in half an hour.” 

“John”, Howard just whispers, barely able to believe his luck. 

“I hope I didn’t worry you too much.” 

“You scared the shit out of me!” 

“I apologise. I’m sorry, Howard. I called you as soon as I possibly could.”

“It’s okay. It’s okay.. you’re alive.” 

“I’m alive.” 

“Thank you.” 

“What for?” 

“For being alive.” 

“You are welcome then.” 

“You’ll be home soon?” 

“I promise I will.” 

— 

The next half hour feels like an eternity. 

Howard went home but that wasn’t far since he lives in the White House and all he had to do was go upstairs. 

He waits by the door, listening to the ticking sound of the clock and staring at the door handle. 

When he finally hears footsteps outside, he rips the door open, pulling John inside and pushing him against the wall to press a kiss on his lips. 

“Shit John!”, he whispers afterwards. 

“It feels so good to see you”, John says, watching Howard for a moment before he pulls him in another kiss. 

“Are you okay?”, Howard asks, stepping away a little so he can quickly scan Johns figure. 

“Is that blood?” 

“Yes I have been lightly stabbed.” 

“You were _stabbed_?” 

“Lightly. Do not worry about it.” 

“You surely had someone look at it?” 

“No, I came here as quick as I possibly could.” 

“Okay off.” 

“What?” 

“Your top. Let me at least take a look at it.” 

John gives in and nods lightly. 

“Okay.” 

He fumbles himself out of the top part of his uniform, letting it fall on the floor. 

“Come”, Howard says, reaching for Johns hand and leading him in the bathroom. 

He closes the seat of the toilet and nods towards it, so John will sit down. 

He goes through the cabinet, sure that he still has disinfectants somewhere. 

When he finds them, he pours some of it on a small cloth, before he kneels down in front of John. 

He carefull starts to clean off the dried blood around the wound. 

John flinches when Howard gets too close to it, even wincing in pain. 

At some point Howard gives up. 

“John that is not a _light_ stab wound.” 

“It surely missed the crucial organs ensuring my survival.” 

“No. I’m calling in medical help”, Howard decides, before he gets up. 

He hesitates before he leans down to John and presses a kiss on his lips. 

“I love you. Don’t ever do this again.” 

John nods lightly. “I’m sorry.”

“I’ll be right back.” 

“Okay.” 

Then Howard leaves, to get professional help. 


	23. Howard’s Ex (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Howard gets drunk and ends up telling John about his abusive ex. 
> 
> (Anons request was an elaboration on Howard’s past relationship mentioned in ‘Nightmares’) 
> 
> (This is kind of part of the ‘Nightmares’ oneshot. But it plays before that and can totally be read separately :))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> \- alcohol  
> \- mention of abusive relationship  
> \- mention of bruises, scars  
> \- someone getting stabbed

Howard has been feeling rather paranoid recently. 

He got the news that the police dropped the case because they couldn’t seem to find him. 

He must have left the country, they said, he disappeared. 

It’s been two years since Howard ran off, two years since he went to the police and pressed charges against the man who had made his life a living hell for almost three years. 

Howard went back to drinking. 

He never meant to, he thought he had himself under control. 

He never told John about his drinking problem and he’s rather good at hiding it when he’s drunk, so of course John didn’t notice yet. 

He never told John about his abusive ex either. 

There’s some things he just can’t get himself to say. So he’d rather let them eat him up than admit how broken he is. He doesn’t want to loose John and while part of him knows that John is not a fucking asshole, the other part can’t help but be worried about what would happen if John found out. 

Howard feels pathetic sometimes, he knows he shouldn’t but he does. And he doesn’t want John to look at him the way he looks at himself. 

But now John isn’t home. He’s on a mission and he won’t be back until tomorrow and Howard is scared, so scared that his ex will find him somehow and he just wants to drown his feelings. 

So he does. 

—

He is sitting on the kitchen floor, leaning against the counter, a bottle of whiskey in his hand. 

He started by pouring glasses but gave up at some point because he’s going to drink more than a few glasses anyway, so why not drink straight from the bottle? 

His ex is free and he’s out there somewhere. For all Howard knows, he could be right in front of his house. 

He is about to take another gulp when he hears the front door open. 

He freezes, the bottle right at his lips. He doesn’t dare to move, as the footsteps move through the corridor. 

“Howard? Are you home?” 

He relaxes, because it’s John. 

Then he panics again because it’s _John_ and he’s not meant to see him like this. 

He tries to get up, letting go of the bottle on accident. It falls on the floor but it doesn’t break. Some of the whiskey gurgles out and Howard quickly picks it up. 

“Fuck”, he whispers. 

“Howard?” 

He looks up from his half-kneeling position on the floor to see John in the doorway. 

John looks shocked, surprised, worried. 

Howard must look pathetic.

“I’m sorry”, he blurts out in his drunken haze. 

“What happened?” 

“Nothing!” 

“Are you alright?” 

Howard stops. 

That question cut deep for some reason. A sob rips through his chest, then he’s crying. 

“I’m sorry John, I fucked it up”, he whimpers. 

John comes to him now, kneeling down in front of him. 

“Hey”, he whispers. He reaches for the bottle Howard is clinging too and Howard lets go. 

John puts it away, up on the kitchen counter, before he reaches for Howard and gently pulls him away from the whiskey puddle.

“It’s alright”, he says, pulling Howard into his arms, “You’re alright.” 

Howard lightly shakes his head, sobbing into Johns chest now. 

“No”, he whispers. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“I’m right here if you do.” 

Maybe it’s the alcohol in his bloodstream, maybe it’s the fear. But Howard feels like he needs to let it out and John is right there and he trusts him. 

Howard wants to say it, but then he just ends up staring at John for a while, as he attempts to put the words together in his brain. 

“I have an abusive ex and he disappeared and I’m scared he’ll find and kill me” is what he eventually blurts out. 

“What?”, John asks, clearly overwhelmed now. This is probably not what he expected. 

“Sorry”, Howard mumbles. 

“No, you should not be apologising for that. I was solely.. surprised. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s-.. it’s stupid.”

“It’s not. You say he disappeared?” 

“Yes. You know before I left, we had that.. that fight. And he started getting aggressive and he came towards me with his hands balled to fists and-“ 

He sobs and John just pulls him closer, maybe trying to piece back together what’s broken. 

“He said he’d kill me and I reached for a knife and I just..”

“You killed him?” 

“I stabbed him. Then I ran. I ran all the way to the police and when they arrived at our flat, he was gone.” 

“When was that?” 

“Two years ago.” 

“They haven’t found him?” 

“No. He could be anywhere.“ 

“I’m sure if you give me his name and a description, I can find him and make sure he disappears legitimately.” 

Howard smiles in between two sobs, leaning more into John. 

“You wanna kill him?” 

“I would not leave any evidence.” 

“John..” 

“A clean sweep.” 

“I love you.” 

John lets his fingers wander through Howards hair now, then he presses a soft kiss on his temple. 

“I love you. I promise I’m here for your protection.” 

“I just want it to be over.” 

“I understand.” 

Of course he does. 

John listens to him. 

He’s there.

He would never hurt him. 

He would never say anything to make him purposely feel bad, he would never beat him up. 

Howard is glad that he found him. 

Because John showed him how a relationship is supposed to be. 

It’s not supposed to hurt. It’s not supposed to be hurtful words and bruises that he desperately has to try to hide. 

“Thank you”, Howard whispers. 

“What for?” 

“Being here. Understanding.” 

“Thank you for telling me.” 

Silence slips into the room.

Howard quietly keeps crying against Johns shoulder and John keeps rubbing his back reassuringly. 

“Is he the source of all your scars?”, John then quietly asks. 

Howard nods. “Most of them.” 

Johns grip around him gets stronger for a moment. He rests his nose against Howard’s head, then starts placing kisses against it. 

“It’s over”, he whispers, “I promise I will make sure of that.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Come, let us get you some water. Maybe something to eat as well? I can run you a bath if you’d like that.” 

Howard nods lightly. 

“Yeah, okay.” 

Neither of them makes the first move to get up, so they end up sitting there, hugging for about half an hour more, but that’s fine. 


	24. Cookies And Quarantine (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short quarantined macman fic!
> 
> requested by Miles! (coldairballoons)

“Love.. what the fuck are you doing?”

Howard is standing in the doorway to the kitchen, watching as John stares at the running oven. 

The kitchen is a mess. 

Used bowls and kitchen tools all over the place. 

“I was plagued by boredom”, John mumbles, still staring through the little oven window at whatever is baking in there. 

“It’s one am.” 

“I found I do not require as much sleep when I am not productive during the day.” 

Howard chuckles now. 

“John please just come back to bed.” 

“These still have to bake for another 10 minutes at least.” 

“What is in there?”

“Cookies.” 

“How many?” 

“A lot.” 

“We’ll wait for them to be done and then you come back to bed?” 

“Okay.” 

Howard walks over to John now, stepping right behind him and and putting his hands on his upper arms at first, rubbing them gently. 

“I apologise for baking in the dead of night, I don’t know what got into me”, John whispers, clearly sleep deprived. 

“It’s okay.” 

Howard wraps his arms around Johns waist and puts his head down on his shoulder to watch him. 

His face is illuminated by the soft light crawling out of the oven and it makes him look even more beautiful. 

Even if he does look very tired. 

Three days into quarantine and he’s already acting like this. 

Even Peip made him go home, putting all employees into home office. That means unless an important mission comes up. 

But nothing came up yet, so John is still stuck home. 

Howard knows that John would love for something to come up.   


He’s not as introverted as Howard, he needs to get out sometimes. 

He needs action in his life, for some reason. 

“Are you okay?”, Howard whispers. 

“Yes. Are you?” 

Howard nods. 

“Yeah.” 

Then they just stand in silence and stare at the cookies for a while 

“They’re beautiful”, Howard mumbles into Johns shoulder after a while. 

“Yes.” 

Howard smiles and places a kiss against Johns shoulder before he closes his eyes, leaning against his husband. 

After a while, likely ten minutes, John turns off the oven. 

“They’re good now.” 

“Wanna eat one?” 

“No.” 

“Back to bed then?” 

John nods. “Yes.” 

Howard lets go off John and reaches for his hand, leading him back to the bedroom. 


	25. My Fault (Tedgens) (also kinda Charted?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tedgens fic where ted gets drunk and starts crying about losing charlotte and henry comforts him  
> requested by Anon!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> \- blood  
> \- gunshot wound  
> \- guts  
> \- gore  
> \- character death  
> \- crying
> 
> it’s uh.,.,.,,, it’s angsty

As soon as Paul and Bill left, Emma and the Professor disappeared in the lab, leaving Ted alone with his thoughts and his mind is a horrible place to be on your own. 

He went back to his bottle of whiskey, just sitting on the floor now and downing it while staring at Charlottes lifeless body from afar. 

They just left her there. 

They just left her laying there, in her guts and with a hole blasted through her head. 

Teds thoughts are a little cloudy because the alcohol got into his head by now. 

But the longer he stares at Charlotte, the more his heart feels like her guts look. Ripped apart and all over the place. 

He places his bottle on the floor now and slowly pushes himself closer to her. 

“Charlotte”, he whispers, as if she’s just asleep and he has to wake her up somehow. 

He kneels down next to her. 

“Char?” 

He reaches for her face, hesitantly. He pulls his hand back before he can touch her, too afraid to hurt her for some reason. She’s dead, it’s not like she will feel anything. 

There’s just so much blood. Or whatever that is. All blue and sticky. 

He’s been staring at her for half an hour but he still can’t believe it. 

It’s too bad to be true. 

It can’t be true. 

Ted knows he doesn’t deserve Charlotte, because no one does. She’s too good for everyone and especially for Sam and Ted. 

But she deserved to live. 

She deserved the world. 

She can’t just be dead. 

He sobs quietly, reaching for her shoulders and pulling her up into his arms now, because he wants to at least hold her one last time. 

Her body falls against his, her head dropping on his shoulder. 

She’s cold, like she’s been dead for a while. Whoever was singing there wasn’t her. She was dead before. 

Sam killed her. He must have killed her after Ted left. 

This is Teds fault. 

It’s all his fault, he shouldn’t have left. 

He sniffles and sobs again, when the tears start to come in troupes. 

“I’m sorry”, he mutters, “I’m so sorry Char, I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry.” 

He can’t breath, just suffocating under his tears now. 

“I loved you”, he whispers into her sticky-blue hair, “I love you.” 

“Ted?” 

He looks up to see the Professor in the doorway. 

He clings to Charlotte now, like he has to protect her. Maybe he wants to protect himself. She makes him feel safe. 

“You did this”, he says now, quietly but loud enough for the professor to hear. 

“The Charlotte I shot was not the Charlotte you knew.” 

Ted knows that. 

But he wants to blame someone else. Anyone as long as he can finally stop feeling so guilty and shitty. 

But he knows it’s his fault. 

He can’t blame anyone else. 

And then he just breaks down in front of the professor of all people, sobbing into Charlottes hair and pulling her close and panicking too, because she really is gone and he can’t bring her back and it’s not just some kind of nightmare, this is reality. 

“Ted, I don’t think it’s good when you hold her so close. She can still infect you.” 

“She was all I had!” 

If Ted’s being honest, he didn’t even have her. 

He looks up to see that the Professor came closer, looking worried now. 

Teds eyes drop on the syringe, in the Professors hand. 

“What is that?”, he asks. 

The Professor hesitates. 

“Are you gonna kill me?”, Ted asks.

“No, I-“ 

“You can. I don’t mind.” 

It’s quiet after that. 

“I probably deserve it”, Ted whispers into the silence. 

The Professor puts the syringe on top of the bar now, before he comes towards Ted. 

“You don’t.” 

“I killed her.” 

“How did you kill her?” 

“I left her alone with Sam. I was so mad, but I shouldn’t have left her with him.” 

“You didn’t know.” 

“I will hate myself for this forever.”

The Professor sits down next to Ted. 

“You’ll have to forgive yourself at some point.” 

“I can’t.” 

“You’ll end up like me if you don’t.” 

“You killed someone?” 

He shrugs lightly. 

“It was not on purpose. But it’s my fault they died.” 

“They? Like multiple people?” 

He nods. 

“They were my friends. And they got sick. Terribly sick. I tried to find a cure but I couldn’t.” 

“That’s... that doesn’t sound like your fault to me.” 

“It feels like my fault.” 

“Well it’s not.” 

“If that wasn’t my fault, then neither is this one yours.” 

“Those aren’t comparable. You tried to help them. You didn’t infect them. You tried your best, you didn’t.. _leave_.” 

“But they died and I didn’t. It feels wrong to be left behind.” 

“I get that.” 

“I’m not going to kill you, Ted.” 

“I wouldn’t mind.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“What did you bring the syringe for?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” 

“Okay?” 

“Maybe we can bury her in the garden. She deserves that, don’t you think?”, the Professor asks. 

“Yeah. ..we can just throw Sam over the fence though.”

The Professor smiles lightly. 

“Come on, let’s bring them outside.” 

He gets up and goes over to Sam, picking him up and throwing him over his shoulder. 

Ted gets up too, holding Charlotte close to his chest as he follows the Professor outside. 

The Professor opens the gates for a moment, putting Sam on the other side before he closes them again. 

“Follow me”, he says, waving at Ted to follow him, going god knows where.

They go behind the house. There’s something like a garden. Grass and a few trees. It’s nice, it looks like place Charlotte would like. 

“Maybe we can put her next to one of the trees”, the Professor notes. 

Ted nods. 

“Cherry?” 

“Yeah.” Ted doesn’t know much about trees but he’s pretty sure that cherry trees get pink flowers in spring and he has a feeling that Charlotte would like that. 

They walk over to the tree and Ted gently sets Charlotte on the ground, leaning her against the trunk of the tree. 

The Professor went off to some kind of shed and when he comes back, he’s carrying two shovels. 

He hands one of them to Ted. 

“It rained earlier so the ground shouldn’t be too firm”, he says. 

“‘Kay”, Ted mumbles.

They start to shovel and it’s harder than Ted expected it to be and it takes longer than Ted expected. But Ted is also still drunk so maybe that’s slowing him down. 

They manage to dig a hole, the Professor deems ‘deep enough’. 

Ted sets Charlotte inside, closing her eyes and making sure she’s comfortable, even if it technically doesn’t matter. 

He starts to cry again, after he pushed himself back out of the hole and sees her laying there. 

She looks weirdly peaceful, in comparison to how brutally she died.

Ted feels the Professors hand on his shoulder. He steps closer to Ted and Ted doesn’t know why he does it but he turns to him and lets himself fall into a hug. 

He sobs into his shoulder, his tears soaking through the Professors brown blazer. 

“Sorry”, he mutters. 

“No, it’s okay.” 

“Thank you.. Hidgens.” 

“Henry.” 

“Okay.” 

“What the actual fuck?”, someone shouts and they turn around to see Emma and Paul. And Emma looks incredibly angry. 

“Good god”, Henry mumbles, “I forgot about Emma.” 

He lets go of Ted and hurries towards her and Paul, talking her down, maybe explaining something. 

Ted turns back to Charlotte, slowly sitting down on the ground now, pulling his legs to his chest and staring at her. He tries to memorise her face, because this is the last time he’ll be looking at her. He doesn’t want to forget her. 

“Hey”, Paul says, appearing next to Ted now. 

“Hi”, Ted mumbles.

“This is a nice spot for her.” 

“Yeah.” 

“I know what she meant to you.” 

“Where’s Bill?” 

Paul shrugs lightly and when Ted looks up, he sees that Paul’s crying too. 

So Bill is gone as well. 

“I should have died, instead of them”, Ted says, meaning it. 

“Don’t say that.” 

“It’s true.” 

“No one should have died.” 

“I suppose. But they deserved it the least.” 

Emma and Henry join them now, Emma is still looking angry. 

Henry sits down next to Ted, putting his hand on Teds back and rubbing gentle circles. It’s weirdly comforting. 

Ted leans against him, because he ran out of fucks to give and something about Henry calms him down. Something about his whole presence. 

“We should close it up”, Paul says. 

“Ten more minutes?”, Ted asks quietly.

“Ten more minutes”, Henry gives in, pulling him closer. 


	26. You Gotta Die Sometime (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “MacMan fanfiction with some angst” (except i forgot about the ‘some’ and killed them both)  
> requested by purplemoon153 on tumblr!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> \- major character death(s)  
> \- blood  
> \- gore I think 
> 
> it’s a little sad

Howard just kind of squeezes his eyes shut when they come at him, hoping for some reason that it will just end. 

He doesn’t hope for survival, he doesn’t believe to make it out anymore. He just wants to die quickly, avoiding as much pain as he can. 

He can feel how they reach for him. 

He feels their claws sink into his shoulder, his back, his rip cage and he hears himself scream in pain. 

“Enough!” 

It’s Johns voice. It’s faint. Far away and Howard thinks he hallucinated it, until he sees John, having entered the Black And White. 

“John!”, he shouts, relieved, so relieved to see him. 

“You!”, Wiggly growls behind him. 

“Your minions may do me no harm Wiggly”, John says, “For I cut through them with a blade of truth! Be gone!” 

They scream and finally fully let go of Howard, disappearing into the darkness. 

Howard’s knees give in, hitting him with the sudden realisation that he’s not strong enough to stand on his own. And he’s in pain, so much pain, unbearable pain. 

He drops on the ground, reaching for his belly now and feeling blood. 

He looks down on himself and gives up when he sees it. 

The wounds their claws ripped into his skin are too deep. He’s loosing too much blood and they likely damaged his lungs because breathing is suddenly getting so much harder. 

He looks up to see John stare at him in shock. 

“I’m sorry John, I fucked it up”, Howard mutters. 

“Don’t worry, Mr President, come on, let’s get you out of here”, John says, coming at him. He reaches for him and pulls him up. 

Howard grinds his teeth in an attempt not to scream or to cry or maybe both. 

He faintly hears Wiley say something but he’s too exhausted to listen. 

They walk for a while. 

Howard starts to cry at some point, because it hurts so much and he feels like he can’t take it anymore. 

“John”, he finally whispers, “Stop.” 

“What is it, Mr. President?” 

“I can’t- I can’t do this anymore. Just leave me here.” 

“No!” 

“It’s okay! It’s okay. It’s okay, I’m okay. I don’t have anyone waiting for me.” 

“You have all of the US waiting for you.” 

“They’ll find someone new.” 

“Sit down, let me help you.” 

They slowly sink to the floor together. 

Howard is clinging onto John, still trying to get some kind of comfort out of it. 

But he’s getting dizzy now. 

His head is buzzing and his lungs are burning and he sobs quietly when it all gets too much. 

“I’ve got you, Mr President.”

“Howard. Please just.. Howard.” 

“Howard”, John repeats softly, pulling him close. 

Howard notices Johns hands on the visor, opening it and pulling it off him, putting it down behind him. 

It’s weirdly freeing, to finally get rid of that plastic orb. 

Howard lets his head sink against Johns shoulder, digging his fingers into his arms. 

“Shit I’m-..I’m gonna be one of those presidents who died during their presidency”, Howard whispers. 

“Is that all that concerns you?” 

“I never really started living, I just.. worked all my life. I never lived, I-..” 

He sobs again. 

There’s so much that could have been. 

“I wanted to ask you out after this”, he quietly admits. 

“You did?” 

“You’re incredibly handsome, I wanted to ask you out. I would have. Would you-.. Would you have said yes?” 

“I would have loved to go out with you.” 

“That would have been nice.” 

“Yes.” 

Howard looks up to see that John is crying too. 

John leans closer, resting his forehead against Howard’s. His hand moves up to cup Howard’s cheek, his thumb wandering over his lips. 

“Can I-“ 

“Please.” 

John leans in for a kiss, the first and the last one. 

Howard barely manages to reciprocate because the pain is louder than the butterflies, nearly drowning them out. It’s hard to concentrate. 

When John pulls back, there’s blood on his lips. 

Howard gets worried until he realises that it must be his own. 

“Thank you”, he whispers. 

A sad smile forms on Johns lips. “Thank _you_.” 

“You should go now. Deploy the bomb.” 

“No, I won’t leave you here.” 

“You have to go, it’s okay.” 

“I can’t.” 

“You can, please.” 

“No, you don’t understand. Return is no longer an option for me. Without a suit my body has already begun to dematerialise.”

Howard frowns. 

“No”, he whispers. 

“It’s fine.” 

“No, no.” Howard dying is one thing but John too? Howard shakes his head, sobbing quietly. At least John deserved to live. 

“I will stay with you until the end.” 

“Take my suit. You can-..” He stops when he realises that it’s most likely too late anyway and also that most of his suit is ripped apart. 

“It’s too late.” 

Howard gives up, and leans into Johns arms. 

“Hold me?” 

John nods and pulls him closer to his chest, steadying him. 

They sit in silence for a while. 

Howard’s breath hitches and the pain makes him want to scream. He tries to hold it in as good as possible, only whimpering quietly every now and then. 

“It’s okay”, John whispers into the silence, against Howard’s head. His voice is shaking and it’s so different to his usually steady and determined tone. “We’re okay.” 

Howard nods lightly. 

“Can you keep talking?”, he whispers. 

“Yeah.. yes. ...Do you know where I would have taken you for our first date?” 

“No. Where?” 

“I mean I don’t know either.” 

Howard laughs quietly, then he coughs, coughing up some blood. 

John pulls him closer. 

“Maybe for dinner. Or maybe for a cup of coffee. Do you like coffee?” 

“Yeah, I do.”

“Then a coffee, perhaps. We could have gone for a walk. Perhaps held hands or I would have put my arm around you.” 

“That sounds nice.” 

“I could have taken you to my place afterwards. For a drink and to introduce you to my cat.” 

Howard smiles. “On the first date? Obscene.” 

John chuckles quietly. 

“I did not mean that. I would have simply loved to hold you.” 

“Like you’re holding me now?” 

“Without both of us dying ideally.” 

“Yeah that would be better.” 

He coughs again, blood splatters onto Johns uniform. 

“I think I’m..” He trails off, his eyes fluttering shut as the last of his energy starts to leave him. 

“It’s fine. You are safe in my arms”, John says, his voice sounding muffled. 

Howard wants to say something. 

‘Goodbye’ or ‘See you on the other side’ but his words don’t work, his tongue doesn’t obey. 

So he just drifts away, slipping into the light. 


	27. Feelings (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Macnamera takes a while realising his feelings for Howard
> 
> requested by Anon!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John is such a himbo in this
> 
> TW:   
> \- implied sexual content   
> \- alcohol consume

Howard likes John.

He found him aesthetically pleasing the very first time he saw him, but it grew into so much more.

John is nice and funny and Howard wants to spend time with him, on a more private basis than work related.

Howard sees John more often recently, because the government is working rather close with Peip since the incident on Black Friday last year.

Wiggly has been locked into the Black and White but it's just a matter of time until he finds a way to attack humanity again, so they are now working on destroying him for good.

And it's a serious matter, but Howard can't deny that he enjoys seeing John more frequently.

Even if John never reciprocates Howard's pathetic tries on flirting, Howard still has hope, somehow.

He planned on telling John.

Plain and simple, they're adults. He's not going to act like a child about it.

Still, his hands are sweating when he approaches John at the end of the day, after everyone left.

"John?"

He looks up.

"Howard."

"I, uh.. can we talk?"

"Of course."

"There is something I wanna tell you. Or ask you? I-.."

John just stares at him, probably waiting for him to continue.

"I like you."

What is this, Howard? Highschool?

He blushes at his own stupid attempt and quickly tries to gather himself, to cover it up.

"I meant.. I would love to take you on a date sometime. I mean, just if you're interested. If not, then no pressure, that's fine."

Johns expressions softens a little and he tilts his head.

"Mr. President", he slowly starts. "I'm truly flattered. But I'm afraid I can't accept your offer."

"Oh."

"Excuse me."

He leaves, leaving Howard alone.

Howard frowns lightly.

That was weird.

And there goes his hope.

Why was he stupid enough to think that John would reciprocate?

—

The next days are rather awkward. Not because of John. John doesn't treat Howard any different.

It's just that Howard was already bad at handling John being near him before and now it's even worse because he's terribly embarrassed.

He should never have asked him out. Or whatever it was that he did there.

Then a mission goes wrong and Howard decides to get drunk about it and John joins him.

It starts rather weird.

The plan was to kill Wiggly but instead the mission ends with three people wounded and Wiggly not even bruised.

What follows is a long meeting about further strategy and at that point, Howard just wants to sleep because he is so sick of this.

As soon as it's finally over, he buries his head in his hands, taking a breath.

He should just go home and get drunk.

The next mission is set in a two weeks, another strike is planned.

Howard can get as drunk as he wants now.

"Are you alright?"

He flinches and looks up to see John of all people, still standing there.

"Yeah.. yes."

"What are you doing now?"

"Getting drunk probably."

"Do you mind if I join?"

"Uh, I.. I was just gonna go home and.."

"I don't mind."

"You wanna come to my place for a drink?"

"Not if you do not want me to."

"In what.. on what occasion?"

"I prefer not getting drunk alone. I consider you a friend, Howard."

"Friend", Howard quietly repeats.

This is fine.

This is good actually, that means John doesn't hate him.

"I wouldn't mind drinking with you", Howard decides.

John smiles lightly and Howard can't help but adore that smile.

John doesn't smile a lot.

"Okay, let's go", Howard fumbles out, getting up now and going for the door.

John follows him.

—

They end up on Howard's couch, each of them holding a glass of whisky.

They've been drinking for a while, but they're both still on their second glass.

They sat in silence most of the time and Howard is still working up the courage to say something about the 'incident'. He wants to apologise. It was weird and he feels like he made John uncomfortable and he really really didn't mean to do that.

"I'm sorry", he finally mutters.

"About what?"

"Asking you out. That was weird."

"You did not mean it then?"

"No I.. I don't know. I mean I did. I just.. it doesn't matter, it probably wouldn't have worked out anyway."

"I apologise for leaving. I did not mean to be rude, I simply do not feel the same."

"Okay. That's fine. That's fine."

"I am attracted to you. I just can't see it go further than purely objective infatuation."

"Oh? Okay."

Howard is weirdly flattered at that.

John is attracted to him.

That truly is something.

"I couldn't help but notice a new tension building up between the two of us in the past days", John goes on.

"Tension?"

"Of sexual nature."

Howard almost chokes on his drink.

"What?"

"We don't have to act upon it. In fact, I advise we don't."

"You're suggesting we have sex?"

"I'm suggesting we don't. The chances of a positive outcome are low at best."

It's quiet after that.

Then Howard decides to down the last of his drink and go for it.

He places his empty glass on the coffee table and leans over to John.

There's a moment of hesitation after Howard placed his hand in the back of Johns neck. A moment where their eyes meet, just to drop down on each other's lips afterwards.

Then Howard leans in for the kiss, fitting their lips together.

John reciprocates it, all to Howard's relief.

Howard's heart is beating like crazy when he pulls back.

John doesn't move for few seconds, then he slowly places his glass on the coffee table.

"I'm afraid it's rather unprofessional if we go on from here."

"But do you want to?", Howard asks.

He doesn't even care about whether or not John reciprocates his feelings anymore, he just really wants to kiss him again because _that_ felt good.

"I do", John admits.

So Howard goes in for another kiss and this time John participates more. He reaches for Howards waist, pulling his dress-shirt out of his pants, his hands soon roaming over his skin. Howard pulls John closer, completely sweeped off his feet now.

He sinks onto his back as John climbs on top of him, not breaking the kiss, never breaking the kiss.

Howard starts to fumble with Johns belt now, getting desperate, impatient.

"We should take this to the bedroom", John mutters, his voice deeper than usual and it's so hot in Howard's opinion.

Howard nods.

"Good idea", he fumbles out, before he pulls John into another kiss.

—

It's a little awkward afterwards.

Silence crawled over the room as the two of them lay in bed, a little sweaty and out of breath.

"I should be leaving", John says quietly.

"Yeah", Howard admits, thinking about asking him to stay and cuddle. But he doesn't want to embarrass himself again.

John gets up and starts to gather his clothes, slipping into them.

Howard pulls the blanket up a little when he starts to get cold. He pushes himself up on his elbows, to watch John as he gathers to leave.

Howard wants to say something. Anything, really.

But what is he supposed to say? He doesn't want to make it worse, but he also doesn't want things to be weird from now on.

"It doesn't have to mean anything", he finally says.

John looks up.

"I agree. We should keep this on a professional level."

Howard nods, swallowing hard.

"Good idea, yeah, that's probably for the best."

"I will see you tomorrow?"

Howard nods.

"Yeah."

And with that, John leaves.

—

The next day is weird, even if Howard tried to prevent that.

They end up tiptoe-ing around each other all day.

John leaves earlier and when Howard gets home, he finds him waiting in front of his door.

"John?", Howard asks.

"I'm afraid that did not work out as well as we planned for it to."

"Yeah.. I noticed that too."

They stand in silence until Howard gathers enough courage to ask: "Do you want to come inside?"

"I'd love to."

Needless to say, they end up making the same mistake as they did the night before.

—

They just kind of continue fooling around after that.

On a professional level, as John likes to say.

No feelings involved, no drama.

They are simply doing something about the undeniable tension between them.

It works well until it doesn't. It works well for two weeks.

It breaks down one day before the big mission.

Howard is laying in bed and John is in the process of getting dressed.

And somewhere in the middle of having sex and watching John now, Howard realised that he doesn't want to keep doing this, if John doesn't feel the same.

Howard likes him so much and he wants more. He needs more. All or nothing.

"I have feelings for you", he therefore says.

John looks up.

"You do?"

"Yeah and I.. I don't know, I was hoping that maybe you'd reciprocate."

"I'm afraid I don't."

Howard hesitates.

So there it is, relentlessly honest.

"Okay."

"I'm sorry, Howard."

"It's okay, it's not your fault."

"But I assume you are hurt now?"

"I just think we should.. stop. This, whatever it is."

"I agree."

"Okay."

"Okay."

It's quiet for a moment, then John asks: "So this is over?"

Howard nods. "Yeah. It's for the best."

John nods as well, a light frown building up on his face.

"For the best, yes."

"See you tomorrow?", Howard asks, wanting John to leave so he can cry in peace.

"You will."

And with that, John leaves.

Howard lets himself sink back into the bed, biting his lip as he tries to keep the tears in.

This is so pathetic.

Like how deep is he even in?

He never meant to fall this far.

—

The mission goes perfectly. Everything happens according to plan and everybody celebrates it.

And there Howard is, not really having the energy to be happy about it.

He goes home as early as he possibly can, having enough of seeing John.

Part of him knows that it's not Johns fault. He can't force John to love him back and he can't be mad at him about it.

But the other part is mad. Mad and hurt and disappointed. Because why did he even sleep with Howard? Why did he have to give him hope? That was so rude, Howard is allowed to at least be a little mad.

At around 10 pm, someone knocks on his door.

He gets up to open it, unsure about what he'll find there. Or who.

He opens the door to see John.

He looks weirdly sad. And unsure and there's something else.

Not that Howard would care, because Howard is mad.

"What are you doing here?", he asks. "We said we'd stop."

"I would like to take your offer on that date. If it is still up."

"What?"

"I want to go out with you."

"What the fuck John?"

"I should apologise for my behaviour. I'm afraid it took me a while to realise my feelings for you. Maybe I just didn't want to see them."

"Feelings for me? Are you kidding?"

"I understand that you're confused. I am too."

"John, I-.. really fucking like you. But if you keep playing with my feelings, I swear to god-"

"I'm not."

"So you meant everything you just said?"

John nods.

"I did."

"When did you realise it then?"

"I think I might have liked you for a while. I have always looked at you fondly. I considered it inappropriate, because of our work relation so I decided to interpreted it as a platonic relationship. But the past two weeks made me realise that I want nothing more than to be with you."

"No shit?"

John nods.

"I really like you Howard. I understand if you choose not to forgive me but I would love a second chance. I promise I will treat you the way you deserve to be treated."

"You really hurt me."

"I know. I'm terribly sorry."

"I really like you."

"I really like you too."

"Just.. come inside."

John nods lightly and steps inside.

Howard closes the door behind him.

"What now?", John asks.

Howard comes towards him, cupping Johns face with both of his hands and pressing a kiss on his lips.

Then another one and another one and John reciprocates all of them.

"Does that mean I do get a second chance?", John asks after a while, whispering it against Howard's lips.

Howard nods, smiling now.

"Yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let’s all ignore my completely unnecessary and lazily executed Wiggly backstory


	28. Ted's Past (Tedgens)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tedgens fic where Henry/Emma find out Ted was abused 
> 
> requested by Anon!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> \- mention of abusive relationship  
> \- trauma from abuse

Ted never told anyone about his past. 

Not even a therapist, even if he probably should. 

In his opinion, he’s fine with it, by now. He survived it and there’s people dying from hunger every day so who is he to complain? 

He never told anyone because he doesn’t want people to look at him the way they would. And he knows they would. 

And he also never told anyone because he doesn‘t have anyone he could tell.

No one would believe him anyway.

And he‘s ashamed, maybe. And scared, he‘s terrified of showing emotion, because that never worked out well but that‘s another layer of his trauma he‘d rather not think about. 

Repression works fine, most of the time. 

Then the apotheosis happens and he ends up in a fortress with a kooky reclusive biology professor, Emma and Paul. 

And he hates it. 

He feels like Emma can‘t stand him and the Professor is kind of hot, which is annoying because Ted is terrified of intimacy. At least when it get‘s too personal. 

And he might have flirted with Henry every now and then and now he‘s trying to get to know Ted and there‘s nothing worse than having to open up. 

Ted doesn‘t want to open up, so he doesn‘t. Instead he hides behind sarcastic or suggestive comments, showing only the top layer of his personality, the one he crafted for his own protection. 

But living with others is weird. He‘s been living alone for so long. 

Everybody keeps banging the doors too loud, probably not on purpose but that doesn’t keep Ted from flinching every time. 

Then he gets into an argument with Emma, a small one and it doesn’t really matter but he feels like shit afterwards because she just leaves the room at some point. She starts doing the dishes in the kitchen, clanging them a little too loud and Ted is sure she‘s mad at him, god she must be furious. 

So he leaves to go to his room. 

It‘s rather small, because Ted agreed to leave the bigger one of the two guest rooms to Emma and Paul, who volunteered to share. Ted‘s pretty sure they have a thing going on but he doesn’t really care. 

Ted just kind of lets himself sink on the floor next to the bed, leaning against it. Then he‘s alone with his thoughts and that was a horrible idea. He hears a door bang shut somewhere in the house and flinches. 

Eventually he just pulls his legs to his chest and lets his forehead sink on his knees. 

No matter how much he fights it, it all breaks down over him. 

And now he‘s crying. 

Maybe he repressed it for too long, maybe it finally caught up with him. 

There’s a gentle knock on the door and Ted quickly tries to wipe the tears off, when it opens. 

He looks up to see Henry in the doorway and he looks incredibly concerned. 

“Ted?” 

Henry soon merges into a blurred silhouette when Ted doesn’t manage to turn the tears off. 

“I-..”, Ted starts, not knowing what to say or how to explain this. “Fuck.” He quickly gets up, wiping the tears off again. 

The door now opens all the way and Emma comes in, coming to a stop next to Henry. 

She stares at Ted for a moment. 

“Shit, what‘s going on?”, she then asks. 

Ted completely froze up. He’s just staring at the two of them, suddenly scared that they might get mad at him for being like this. Maybe they already are mad. 

Henry comes towards him now and Ted stumbles back a little. 

“Please don’t touch me”, he mutters. 

To his surprise, Henry stops, he even takes a step back. 

“Okay”, he says. 

Ted nods lightly before he turns away halfway. He doesn’t dare to look at Henry or god forbid Emma. 

He never meant for Henry to see him like this. And Emma seeing him like this is even worse. He never meant for them to know how weak he actually is. 

After a while, Ted hesitantly looks at Henry again and he immediately regrets it. Henry’s eyes are sitting on him, watching him in a mix between sympathy and worry. 

“You’re crying”, Henry finally says. 

Ted bites his lip and quickly lets the back of his hand wander over his cheeks to dry the tears again. 

“Are you okay?”, Henry asks. 

“No”, Ted admits, in all honesty.

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

Ted shrugs lightly. 

“I, uhm..”, Henry frowns lightly, “I noticed you having nightmares.” 

“You did?”

“I didn’t want to intrude. I thought you’d tell me as soon as you feel comfortable doing so.” 

“Fuck, I..” He sniffles quietly, shrugging again. How is he even supposed to explain this? 

“Dude..”, Emma mumbles. 

“Sorry”, Ted says. “I’m sorry ..for all this.” 

“Good god, don’t apologise”, Henry chimes in. “Is there something you want to talk about? You can talk about anything.” 

That’s new. People usually don’t care about him, he’s just Ted. 

But to Henry, he seems to matter and that truly is something. Even to Emma he seems to matter. She actually seems sympathetic. 

Ted frowns lightly. 

“I’m-.. I’m so fucked up”, he mumbles, realising it for himself too. 

“You’re wonderful.” 

“No you don’t understand! She..” 

“Who?” 

“My ex.” 

Henry takes a step towards Ted but quickly stops again when he remembers Teds earlier words. 

“Did she hurt you?” 

“I never told anyone about this.” 

“Do you mean you don’t want to?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” 

Emma nods lightly. 

Ted feels pathetic and empowered at once. It’s weird. 

Part of him decides to tell them and just goes for it. 

“I was.. in a relationship.” 

In his head, he put it better. 

They seem confused now. 

Ted opens and closes his mouth, looking for the right way to put it. 

“An abusive one?”, Emma asks, carefully. 

Ted nods. 

“When?”, Henry asks. 

“Like.. until two years ago. I ran away.” 

“You didn’t go to the police?” 

“No one would have believed me. And then what? I didn’t want to anger her.” 

It’s quiet after that and Ted shrugs lightly. 

“Like, I’m okay. It just gets too much sometimes”, he adds.

He’s not as okay as he pretends but he wants them to stop looking at him like this. 

“I can fight her for you”, Emma finally says and Ted chuckles, then he sobs. 

“And I have a great therapist!”, Emma adds, “if you want his number I-“ 

“Emma we’re in the middle of an apocalypse.” 

“It was just an idea. Maybe it would help.” 

“When this is over, maybe.” 

“Okay.” 

“Would you be alright with a hug?”, Henry asks carefully. 

Ted nods, because yes he’d love one. 

Henry comes to him and carefully pulls him in his arms. 

Ted let’s himself sink against Henry, dropping his nose on his shoulder and closing his eyes. 

“You’re safe here. It’s over”, Henry whispers. 

Ted nods lightly. Henry’s right. 

“Hey if I were to make coffee, would you want one?”, Emma asks. 

Ted looks up, resting his chin on Henrys shoulder. It’s almost unusual for her to be so nice to him. But he’s not gonna pass up a chance for coffee. 

“Yeah, sure.” 

“Okay. Hidgens?” 

“Yes, thank you.” 

She leaves the room and that leaves only Ted and Henry, still embracing. 

This is nice. Ted can’t remember the last time someone held him like this. 

“Sorry”, Ted mumbles again, after a while. 

“Don’t”, Henry says. 

“Sorry. ..I like you, you know? You’re always nice even if you don’t have to be.” 

“Well if I can be either, why would I choose to be mean?” 

Ted frowns, thinking about it for a moment. 

“Defense mechanism?” 

“There’s nothing you have to defend yourself from here.” 

“I suppose.” 

“But I get it. It’s okay.” 

“I’ll try being nicer.” 

Henry starts to caress Teds back and Ted leans his head against Henrys.

This is nice. 

They embrace like that until Emma comes in to tell them she made coffee. 


	29. John Carries Howard (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John carrying Howard, just y’know,..,.,,,,, scooping him up  
> (or alternatively: four times John carries Howard) 
> 
> for Anon :)

Howard keeps stumbling over his own feet. His vision is too blurred for him to see right or to think and when did the way home become so long? They've surely been walking for hours and they're still not there. 

"Come on, love. You will have to concentrate more", John says now, holding on to Howard's arm and pulling him up every time he stumbles so he doesn't fall. 

"Sorry", Howards mumbles, stumbling again. 

John stops walking and therefore so does Howard, still relying on John to not loose his balance. 

"This does not work", John says. 

"Are you breaking up with me?", Howard fumbles out, getting sad. 

"What?" 

"You said-" 

"No. Good god, Howard." 

He puts his arm on his back now and leans down to reach under Howard's knees. He pulls him up and suddenly Howard finds himself in Johns arms. 

"Oh", he whispers. 

"Is this okay?" 

"I'm so attracted to you." 

John chuckles. 

Howard just kind of leans against him and closes his eyes while John continues to carry him all the way home. 

— 

They stumble through the doorway into the flat. Howard reaches for Johns face, kissing him because he's been wanting to kiss him like this all evening. 

He kicks his shoes off and so does John while he fumbles with Howard's jacket, pushing it off his shoulders, before pushing Howard against the wall. His lips leave Howard's and instead wander down to his neck.   
  
Howard closes his eyes, smiling now as he gasps quietly.

"Bedroom?", he fumbles out. 

"Bedroom", John agrees, before he scoops him up to carry him there. 

— 

Howard loves the rain. 

Not just when he's inside, he also loves it when he's outside, getting soaked to the bones. 

John is more responsible than Howard. 

"Don't you love this?", Howard asks, laughing while he twirls in the rain, his hair wet and his jacket slowly giving up the resistance. 

John is standing in the doorway, careful about not getting soaked. 

"Love, come inside, you will catch a cold." 

"I don't mind." 

"Do I have to carry you?" 

Howard smiles at John, waiting for him to come and pick him up. 

John rolls his eyes, a laugh bubbling up in his throat. 

"Good god", he mumbles, before he runs towards Howard, gathering him to carry him inside. 

— 

Howard caught a cold.

And it's his fault, he knows it. He's too stubborn to say it out loud and to his own relief, John doesn't make him say it out loud. 

He just brings him tea and soup to the couch where Howard settled down for the day. 

It's only later in the evening that John sits down next to Howard, right when he was about to doze off.

He puts his head on his forehead. 

"Love?", he whispers. 

"Hi." 

John chuckles.

"Let's get you to bed, shall we?" 

Howard nods. "Okay." 

"Can you walk or do I have to carry you?" 

Howard smiles. 

"I think you'll have to carry me."


	30. Comfort And Cuddles (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some macman where work doesn’t exactly go well and so they cuddle and comfort each other! 
> 
> requested by Anon! :))

John leans against the wall next to the door while Howard fumbles for the keys in his pocket. 

It’s quiet. 

Silence has been accompanying them since they left from that meeting. 

It’s safe to say that it hasn’t been the best day, at work. 

Howard unlocks the door now and steps inside, holding it open for John to follow him. 

“I will take a shower”, John says. 

Howard just nods, closing the door and kicking off his shoes. 

He goes for the bedroom and slips out of his work clothes, into more comfortable ones. 

He’s not really hungry so he decides to lay down on the couch in the living room, just staring at the ceiling and feeling pretty much like shit. 

That means, until John comes to join him. He’s wearing sweatpants and one of Howard’s sweaters and his hair is still damp from the shower. 

“Mind if I join?”, he asks. 

Howard can’t help but smile. 

He scoots over and opens his arms for John to lay in. 

John crawls next to him and lays down on his chest. 

“I love you”, he mumbles. 

Howard turns his head to him, to press his lips against Johns forehead for a moment. 

“Love you too.” 

“Tomorrow will be a better day.” 

Howard nods lightly, before he pulls John closer, caressing his back and burying his nose in his hair at the top of his head. 

“Yeah”, he whispers. 

Then he closes his eyes, concentrating only on Johns nearness and not on how shitty of a day it was. 

John pushes his chin up a little, just far enough for him to reach Howard’s neck, placing soft kisses. Not in a wanting way, not suggesting anything. It’s comforting. Kisses that say “It’ll be okay”. 

And it will be, Howard knows it will. Because he has John, after all, and even if he looses everything, this seems indestructible. John is like a constant in Howard’s life. 

Howard turns to him, tangling his legs with Johns and burying his fingers in Johns soft hair. He pulls Johns head to his lips to kiss him and John smiles into it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is fucking cheesy but we needed that ~


	31. Feeling Guilty (Howard & Xander)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Howie after the B&W getting comforted by Xander 
> 
> requested by impermanant-citrus-boy!

Everything that happened only really hits Howard later that day. 

He was in such a state of shock that he never really allowed himself to think about it. 

And then he’s under the shower and he has time to think and he just breaks down. 

He ends up sitting down, sitting there for an eternity until he feels guilty about all that water he used up and he gets out. 

He‘s still crying while he gets dressed again. There’s a knock on the door, in the middle of him slipping into a pullover.

He quickly puts on pants and tries to wipe the tears off, then he opens the door. 

“Hey, Howie, I wanted to-“ That’s when Xander looks up and actually seems him. He stops, hesitates. A frown crawls upon his expression. 

Howard quickly tries to gather himself. He puts his hands on his cheeks, trying to cool down so he looks less red. So he looks less like he cried for the whole past hour. 

“Are you alright?”, Xander asks. 

“Fuck, I- Am I alright? No! No of course not.” 

“I’m sorry, that was a stupid question.” 

Howard hesitates. Xander is so nice and Howard’s there, behaving like a baby and being mean. 

“No, I’m sorry for snapping”, he therefore says. 

“Do you mind if I come in?” 

“Go on.” 

Howard steps aside, opening the door further for Xander and closing it behind him as soon as he entered the room. 

“It’s not your fault, you know that?”, he asks. 

“We both know that’s not true.” 

Xander turns around, raising an eyebrow. 

“Do you really think that?” 

Howard shrugs. 

“I fucked it up. I fucked it up so bad that he had to come and save me and now he’s gone. And the bomb? I was the one who ordered it. I should have known! How is none of this my fault?” 

“We sent you in with little preparation. We should have done more.” 

“I’m the president of the United States, _I_ should have done more.” 

“It’s alright, Howie, you didn’t know.” 

“Fuck, I nuked Russia!” 

“Hey, come here.” 

“What?” 

“Come here, I’m giving you a hug.” 

Howard hesitates when Xander opens his arms for him to get in. 

“I don’t need a hug”, he says, “I need to save the world! I fucked up so bad. I fucked up, I-“ 

He interrupts himself with a sob, pressing his hand on his mouth now. 

Xander just comes to him and pulls him against his chest and Howard can’t deny that it does feel really good. 

“Okay?”, Xander asks. 

Howard nods lightly. “Thank you.” 

“It’s not your fault.” 

“He was your friend. How are you not mad?” 

“I am mad. But not at you. It’s not your fault, I mean it.” 

Howard leans into the hug, sobbing now, gasping for air. 

“You know what? You should get some rest”, Xander whispers, his voice soft and calming. 

“No, we have to deal with this now. We have to do _something._ ” 

“You’ve been through a traumatic experience. My team and I are working on it. You can join us after you rested.” 

“Sure?” 

“Yes, of course.” 

Howard hesitates for a moment. 

“Okay, maybe I should then”, he whispers, deciding that it’s probably for the best.

“Maybe you should”, Xander repeats, pulling back from the hug. 

He lets his hands rest on Howard’s upper arms for a moment, rubbing over them gently. 

“I have to go now, but you’ll be fine?” 

Howard nods. 

“Okay.” Xander gifts him a smile, then he leaves. 


	32. Dreams Are My Reality (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~some yearning~  
> requested by Anon!! 
> 
> (not sure if this is them yearning but it surely is something that makes ME yearn so..)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is them being highschool sweethearts

Howard loves indulging in reminiscences, as they are still so close, just in his reach. 

Reminiscing about things that are truly lost is depressing at most. 

But this.

Staring at the back of Johns head in class as he thinks about yesterday, as he thinks about what could be today or tomorrow. 

People seem to get annoyed when Howard falls into a lovesick monologue about his boyfriend, but he can‘t help it sometimes.   


Howard loves indulging in reminiscences because if he leaned forward, he could reach out and tap Johns shoulder, make him turn around just to see his pretty eyes or his smile when he realises that Howard didn’t have a reason to make him turn around.  


He’d roll his eyes but in a loving way and he’d remind John of all those times they spend together, how they skipped school once and went up on that hill, spending the whole day there. 

John was faster than Howard, he’s always been fitter. He‘s the captain of the football team after all. 

Howard just kind of held on to Johns hand, letting him pull him up when his legs got weaker and his lungs started to burn a little. 

They sat down on the grass when they reached the top and Howard let himself fall on his back, laughing at his own lack of vitality. 

John smiled and laid down next to Howard, interlacing their fingers as they both stared up in the sky, catching their breath. 

Howard notices John turn around now, a smile on his lips and he realises that something funny must have happened and he missed it, too caught up in his thoughts. 

He just smiles back. 

—

John waits for him after class, tilting his head with a smile on his lips when Howard stumbles out of the class room. 

“You’re a dreamer”, he just says. 

“Sorry”, Howard fumbles out, unsure about whether that’s a good or a bad thing. 

“No, don’t apologise, I love that. You’re adorable.” 

Howard smiles, kind of relieved. 

John comes towards him now, gently pushing him against the wall behind him. 

“I love you”, he mumbles, before he kisses him. 

Howard loves living in the present too, because everything he dreamed about a year ago is reality now. 

He still can’t believe it, sometimes. 


	33. Howard Carries John (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Howard carrying John!  
> requested by purplemoon153

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: - wound from being bitten by a sniggle
> 
> Howard is not wearing that visor bc I forgot about it while writing. Their bodies also don‘t dematerialise in the Black and White bc I forgot about that too and it would have ended up rather angsty if that was the case

John is just leaning on Howard, clinging to him as they stumble away from Wiggly and Wiley through the Black and White.

“It’s not long anymore”, Howard mumbles, maybe trying to motivate John to keep going, maybe talking to himself.

John got wounded when he pulled Howard away earlier.

One of those creatures got a hold of his leg and bit into it, not letting go until Howard shot at it a few times.

And now they are running.

Or Howard is running, pulling John along who’s just hanging in his arms, limping and breathing heavily.

“Howard-“

“It’s okay. It’s okay, we’ll make it.”

“Just leave me here.”

“Now this is stupid.”

“I mean it.”

He lets go of Howard and falls to the ground.

Howard stops and kneels down in front of him.

“What are you doing? I’m not gonna leave you here.”

“It’s alright, I promise.”

“You stupid idiot.”

“Excuse me?”

“Literally fuck you. I’m not gonna leave you here.”

John hesitates. “You have to go.”

“And I’ll take you with me.”

“All I am is an extra burden. It’s highly foolish to risk your life for me.”

Howard just leans forward and presses a kiss on Johns cheek. 

“Shut up”, he whispers.

John frowns.

“What was that?”

“Affection.”

“Do it again.”

Howard leans to him to kiss his cheek again, placing his hand on Johns other cheek to caress it.

John turns to him afterwards, so that their lips are just inches apart.

“Howard?”

“Yeah?”

“You meant it when you said you like me?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m so sure, I will risk my life to get you home.”

John chuckles.

“Can I kiss you?”, Howard asks.

John just closes the gap and fits their lips together.

They share a few kisses, until Howard remembers where they are and that they should go if they want to survive.

He pulls away and catches John chasing the kiss. He smiles.

“If you wanna do this again, you have to work with me”, he says.

John rolls is eyes but Howard can see the hint of a smile forming on his lips. 

Howard gets up, pulling John up with him.

“I’ll carry you”, he says, when he sees the visible pain in Johns eyes.

“That is rather unintelligent.”

“You underestimate my strength.”

Before John can protest, Howard pulls him up into his arms bridal style and starts to walk.

John just stares at him, his mouth opened, maybe to further protest but now the words seem to be stuck.   


He’s clinging to Howard and he leans further against him the longer they walk. 

“Thank you”, he whispers after a while.   


Howard smiles. “You can make it up to me with a date.” 

Smooth Howard, very smooth.   


For a moment he thinks about taking it back because he’s scared that he overstepped some kind of line.  But then John laughs quietly. 

“I will”, he says. 

“You don’t have to”, Howard clarifies, “If you don’t want to.”

“Good god, I know. But I want to. I would love to kiss you again.”

Howard can’t help but smile at that.

“That can be arranged.” 

They make it to the portal like that eventually and they make it through. 

And eventually John does take Howard for dinner and they kiss again. 


	34. First Kisses Under The Moonlight (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soft macman with sort of rebellious john convincing howard to go for a midnight stroll with him, with a first kiss and stuff :)) 
> 
> requested by Miles! (coldairballoons)

Howards parents already went to sleep. 

He is still sitting on his bed and he’s reading. He’s been trying to talk himself into getting changed and brushing his teeth for half an hour but he can’t get himself to stop reading and he’s too lazy to get up anyway. 

It’s about eleven pm when there’s a sudden knock on the window, nearly making him scream. He freezes and just stares at his book until he dares to move and look up. He looks at the window and flinches when he sees a human silhouette outside. 

He frowns when he recognises the silhouette. 

Broad shoulders and curly hair. 

It‘s John. 

He‘s just squatting on the roof of the garage, right in front of Howard’s window. 

“What the fuck”, Howard whispers to himself, before he closes his book and drops it on the mattress, getting up now. He makes his way over to the window and opens it. 

“Come in”, he just says and John climbs in without a comment. 

“What are you doing here?”, Howard asks. 

“There is a full moon tonight.” 

“A-..a full moon?”

“Let us go for a midnight stroll.” 

Howard has to admit that it’s thrilling, just the thought of it. And he’s intrigued. 

See, the thing is that Howard likes John. 

He likes him a lot. 

Maybe he’s even a little bit in love, though he’s not sure about that. 

He’s never been in love before, he’s only seventeen after all, there’s no rush. 

But John is just perfect. John is the nicest person he knows and the funniest too. He’s smart and that’s hot and he’s also hot in looks, which is unfair, considering he’s already incredible with his personality alone. 

He’s perfect because he’s everything Howard ever wanted in a boyfriend and he’s everything Howard never thought a person could be. 

He’s too good to be real.

“I can’t just go outside”, Howard whispers, thinking about his parents now. 

“Just for half an hour.” 

“John..” 

John is just looking at him. 

His face is illuminated by the silver moonlight slipping in through the window and the soft yellow glow from Howard’s nightstand lamp. 

“Half an hour?”, he whispers, completely unable to resist. 

“An hour at most. We will be back before tomorrow breaks in.” 

“Okay.” 

John smiles. “Yes?” 

Howard nods. “Yeah. You better make it worth it.” 

“You can count on that.” 

“Wait here, yeah? I have to go get shoes.” 

John just nods and Howard sneaks out of the bedroom and into the corridor, down the stairs, trying to be as quiet as possible. 

He snatches his shoes and hurries back into his room. 

He closes his bedroom door and slips into his shoes. 

John is already going for the window when Howard finishes tying his shoe. Howard quickly goes to get a sweater, because it might be summer but it does get chilly at night. 

He climbs out of the window after John and he follows him over the roof, climbing down the tree at the end. 

John is waiting for him on the ground when Howard finally makes it, completely out of breath for some reason. 

John laughs and Howard nudges him away. 

“Shut up”, he whispers. 

“Come with me”, John just says and then he proceeds to reach for Howard’s hand and takes it into his, sending him in a complete crisis. 

How is a Howard supposed to handle this? Yeah they’re technically just holding hands but they’re literally holding hands. 

Johns palm is a little rough, not too rough, just right. Maybe Howard is just really deep in love and that’s why he’s thinking that kind of stuff but Johns hands are perfect. 

John starts to walk and Howard quickly gathers himself to follow him. 

The streets are completely empty.

It’s almost romantic, in the way they’re a little gloomy, illuminated by the moon and the shivering street lights only. 

Everything is dipped in silver-blue light and Johns hair looks like a fucking halo. 

Howard is in love with his best friend and it’s a bore but he also loves every second of it. 

Being in love with John is like heaven and hell in one. 

Heaven because Howard can’t imagine anyone suited better for him to fall in love with and hell because Howard will never get the courage to actually tell John about it. 

He’d rather lie than loose him. 

“Where are we going?”, he asks now, because John seems to have a destination in mind, just in the way he’s walking. 

“Don’t ask so many questions.” 

“You say that like you plan on murdering me.” 

John laughs. 

“I would never, I like you too much.” 

Howard’s heart skips a beat, unnecessarily. 

Of course John likes him, they’re friends. 

But hearing him say that is nice. 

They reach the end of the street now and continue to walk into the fields filled with red poppies. 

They look rather purple in the moonlight, beautiful nonetheless. 

“We’re almost there.” 

“Where?” 

“My favourite spot.” 

“Spot for what?” 

“To reminisce in deep thought while staring at the night sky.” 

“You’re such a romantic.” 

“Don’t you like that?” 

“I didn’t say I don’t.” 

John smiles. 

“So you.. you’re taking me to your favourite spot?”, Howard keeps going, feeling really flattered about it. 

“Yes I am.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I want to share it with you.” 

Howard blushes and he’s genuinely glad that it’s so dark and that John is not looking at him but instead at the way. 

“Thank you”, a Howard chokes out, frowning at himself immediately afterwards. 

“Don’t thank me before you’ve seen it.” 

“Okay.” 

Howard can’t stop smiling now. This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done to him. If John wanted to, Howard would be down to kiss now. 

They reach some bushes, mixed with a bunch of trees and John carefully pushes some of the branches aside for him and Howard to go through. 

There’s some kind of clearing in the middle. It’s really small but covered in moss.

It almost looks like in a fantasy movie. 

“This is it”, John says, turning around to Howard now.

“I love it”, Howard fumbles out. 

“Yes?” 

Howard nods. 

“It’s beautiful here.” 

“Come here.” 

He goes in the middle and sits down on the ground, patting the moss next to himself. 

Howard sits down next to him, watching as John let’s himself sink on his back. 

He looks at Howard, a smile forming on his lips. 

“Lay down”, he says. 

“Okay”, Howard mumbles, a little too caught up in the sight of John laying there. He’s beautiful. 

He quickly lays down, still looking at John. 

John chuckles and pushes himself up a little. He reaches for Howard’s head and turns it away from himself and instead towards in the sky. 

“Isn’t that beautiful?”, he quietly asks, meaning the night sky, most likely. Howard can’t help but shoot a glance at John for a moment, admiring the way he admires nature. 

John looks at Howard again and Howard quickly directs his own gaze back at the sky. 

“It’s beautiful”, he says. 

“Yeah”, John whispers. 

Howard can feel Johns eyes on him and he blushes under his gaze. 

He tries to ignore the booming beat of his heart, getting impatient for Johns nearness but also getting nervous at just the thought of it. 

When he finally dares to look at him, he immediately looses himself in Johns eyes. 

John moves closer, Howard is pretty sure he did not imagine that. He doesn’t dare to move anymore, too scared to interrupt whatever is happening there. 

“Howard?”, John whispers. 

A weak “Huh?” is all Howard manages. 

“There’s something I want to tell you.” 

“Go on.” 

“I don’t know how to say it.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I suppose I’m afraid of how you might react.” 

“You mean I’d react in a bad way?” 

“I don’t know. I hope not.” 

“Just say it.” 

Deep inside, that means _very_ deep inside, Howard is actually hopeful that John will admit having feelings for him. That would be the best outcome for this. 

Why would he bring Howard here  anyway? This is so romantic. 

“I-..”, John starts, frowning as he struggles with his words. 

Then his eyes drop on Howard’s lips for a few seconds and that tiny moment is enough to give Howard courage. Just a little, just a tiny spark. Enough for him to lean forward and press his lips against Johns. 

It’s a short kiss. Because as fast as the courage got to him, it leaves him again. 

And there he is, still laying in the moss next to John and slowly realising what he did. He’s terrified all of sudden, because he should have at least asked. 

You can’t just kiss people. 

He pushes himself up into a seating position. 

“Oh god, I’m sorry. I don’t know what that was.” 

John sits up too, slowly recovering from Howard’s sudden attack. He looks so confused and cute. 

“I didn’t mean to”, Howard adds, still trying to save their friendship. “I mean I didn’t even plan this.” 

John frowns, then he laughs. 

“What?” 

“I’m sorry John. I really didn’t mean to do it. I don’t know why I just did it. I should have asked, at least.” 

“Do you regret it?” 

“I regret not asking.” 

“What about kissing me?” 

“Let’s just forget about it, yeah? We can just forget about it.” 

“Shut up, I don’t want to forget about it.” 

“What?” 

“I don’t want to forget it.” 

“Why?” 

John sighs quietly before he pushes himself closer to Howard. He reaches for Howard’s face, framing it with his hands and Howard lets him do it, because he’s too confused to think. 

And John is so close, it makes Howard feel dizzy. 

“May I?”, John asks. 

All Howard can do is nod. 

John kisses him. 

It takes a moment for Howard to actually realise that and react. 

Johns lips are so soft and Howard is so awkward, he‘s just clumsily trying to reciprocate, not sure if this is enjoyable for John in any way. 

He should have practiced this prior, somehow. But he really didn’t expect this to happen, if he‘s being honest. 

John lets go off his face now and reaches for his waist instead. A quiet sigh escaped Howard when John pulls him closer, his fingers gently digging through his T-Shirt in his skin

Howard scoots closer to John, his thoughts stumbling through his brain, freaking out now. 

He reaches for Johns shoulders, lets his hands wander over his arms, before he reaches up in his neck, tangling his fingers in his soft hair. 

They found a rhythm now. 

Howard finds himself less clumsy, his lips moving in sync to Johns. 

He doesn’t want to stop.

He never wants to stop, he doesn’t want to spend another minute of his life not kissing John. 

John pulls back now, just a little. Howard opens his eyes and watches John as he’s just leaning in his touch, out of breath and with his eyes still closed. 

“Date me”, he mutters. 

“What?”, Howard fumbles out. 

“I really like you. That’s what I meant to tell you. I want us to be more than friends.” 

John opens his eyes now, watching Howard as Howard struggles with trying to process this. 

“If you don’t feel the same-“, John starts, getting interrupted by Howard pressing a kiss on his lips. 

“Sorry, I.. I just needed a moment. I didn’t expect you to like me back”, Howard tries to explain afterwards.

“We just kissed like that and you still thought I don’t like you?” 

“I mean..” 

“I climb on your garage at night to bring you to my favourite place in nature that I never showed anyone and you think-.. good god Howard, you really are oblivious sometimes.” 

Howard chuckles now. “Sorry.” 

“I’m into it.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. ..So what is your answer?” 

“My answer?” 

“Date me?” 

“Oh fuck yes.” 

John smiles. 

“Okay.” 

Howard just drops himself back into Johns arms, connecting their lips once more. 

They kiss for a while. 

And they cuddle for a while, just staring up in the stars. 

John walks Howard home, sometime after midnight. 

He slumped his arm around Howard’s shoulders and pulled him close as they wander through the empty streets. 

Howard doesn’t want this night to end, it’s too good to be true. 

They reach the driveway to his home way too early. 

They stop at the tree leading up to the garage. John lets his arm drop off Howard’s shoulders and he reaches for his hands instead. 

“So..”, he whispers. 

“So..” 

“Good night?”

“See you soon?” 

“Of course.” 

“Good night then.” 

John kisses Howard one last time, before he pulls back. 

Howard smiles and presses a kiss on Johns cheek before he takes a step back, stumbling over a bump in the ground but catching himself.

John laughs quietly. 

“I’m fine”, Howard whispers. 

“Okay”, John says. 

Howard reaches for the tree behind himself, pushing himself up on the lowest branch and climbing back on the garage. 

He looks down to John once more, wanting to remember the way he looks in the moonlight forever. 

“See you”, he whispers. 

“Yes. Good night.”

“Good night. Be safe yeah?” 

“Always.” 

“Text me when you’re home.” 

“I will.” 

Howard smiles. 

“Good night.” 

“Night.” 

Howard goes back to his window now, still only leaning in it’s frame. 

He opens it and climbs back into his room, as quietly as he possibly can. 

In the process of carefully closing his window, he looks back out on the street one last time. 

He sees John walk away and can’t help but smile, because this really happened. 

He’s dating John MacNamara. 

He’s still smiling when he’s laying in bed later, too awake to go to sleep but well aware that he should try at least. 

He makes it eventually. 


	35. Reckless (John MacNamara/Xander Lee)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “angst or hurt/comfort Xander/John, maybe the aftermath of a dangerous mission? John is suuuper roughed up, after he's patched up, Xander lays into him abt taking stupid risks, and John just... B r e a k s”
> 
> requested by sassyqueerwitch!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> \- hospital  
> \- mention of surgery  
> \- mention of near death experience

Xander hesitates, in front of the door to Johns room. 

The day was rough. 

They sent the president into the Black and White and he nearly didn’t make it out. He wouldn’t have, if it wasn’t for John, going in spontaneously to save him. 

He didn’t wear any protection gear and Xander is rather mad about that because it was incredibly irresponsible and the thought of possibly loosing John nearly killed Xander. 

He got hurt in there, because of course he did, reckless as he is.

The hours Xander had to wait while John was in surgery were the worst hours of his life and his eyes are still puffy and burning from crying. 

He almost doesn’t dare to go into the room, too scared of what he might find. 

He just wants John to be okay. 

He can’t loose him, he’s his friend.

It doesn’t even matter that Xander likes him more than that, right now he just wants him to be alive. He wants him to survive. 

He takes a breath and pushes the door open, slowly stepping inside. 

John is laying there, sleeping as it seems. 

There’s a bandage wrapped around his head and there’s a thin plastic tube under his nose, helping him breath. 

“John?”, Xander whispers. 

Not eager on waking him up but still hoping for some sign of life. 

He pulls a chair closer to the bed and sits down, watching John. 

His chest is slowly moving up and down and that’s calming. 

Xander reaches for Johns hand and it’s warm. Not cold like a corpses hand. 

“I love you”, Xander whispers. 

John stirs a little and Xander freezes. 

There’s a quiet groan, escaping Johns lips before his eyes flatter open. He looks tired, exhausted. 

“Hey”, Xander says, ignoring what he just said in hopes that John didn’t hear it. 

Now is not the time for confessions. 

“Hey”, John mumbles. 

His voice is quiet, a little rough. So different to the way he usually speaks. 

Xander smiles. “Hi.” 

“How are you?” 

“How am I? Jesus, John.” 

“What?” 

“You nearly died.” 

“I didn’t.” 

“You could have. And then what? Did you even think once in the past 24 hours?” 

John smiles and Xander frowns, confused as to what is so amusing. 

“Are you mad?”, John asks. 

“I- ..yes! Yes I am mad, because you’re reckless.” 

“Are you rather mad or are you in worry?” 

“What?” 

“You’re worried about me.” 

“Of course I am.” 

“That’s endearing.” 

“John, you could have died!” 

John frowns lightly, then he shrugs, then he blinks. 

“I suppose”, he whispers, his voice cracking.

“You have to stop taking all these stupid risks, you have nothing to prove! You always try to save the day in some heroic way but do you ever think about yourself? You have to put yourself first because if you don’t, then you will be the one that doesn’t come back from a mission someday.” 

John is just staring at Xander and there’s tears forming in his eyes. 

Xander has never seen John cry and if he’s being honest, he’s a little overwhelmed at the prospect of it. 

“I apologise”, John whispers. 

“One day you won’t come back and I can’t take that okay? I need you to come back. I need you to always come back.” 

“I will.” 

“You can’t promise that. But please, I’m begging you, be careful. You can’t save anyone if you’re dead.” 

John nods. 

“Okay.” 

“I need you here, yeah?” 

John nods. “Okay”, he whispers again. Then the first tear tumbles over his cheek. Xander reaches for his face and carefully wipes it off. 

“I need you here too”, John mumbles. 

“What?” 

“You are very important to me.” 

Xander just gets up from his chair and climbs into bed next to John. 

He rests his head on Johns chest and presses his eyes shut when he feels the tears coming. 

John sobs quietly above him and Xander looks up, to see him in utter misery. 

“Hey”, Xander whispers. 

He reaches for Johns face, cupping it now. 

“I’m sorry. What I did today was incredibly irresponsible, I see that now.” 

“You survived.” 

“Yes.” 

“You’re here.” 

“ _You’re_ here.” 

“Yeah.” 

John wraps his arms around Xander now and pulls him closer as he lets himself cry. 

Xander just holds him, because that’s all he can think of. 

He’d like to kiss him. Kiss his forehead, his temple, just make him feel better. But he’s not going to do that because he doesn’t know if John would want him to and he’s too afraid to ask. 

“Did you mean what you said earlier?”, John asks after a while.

“What do you mean?” 

“I love you.” 

Xanders heart skips a beat after hearing those words leave Johns lips. 

John isn’t even saying it to him, he’s simply reciting Xanders words. 

But shit does it sound good. 

“Did you mean it?”, John asks. 

“I don’t know what to say”, Xander admits. He doesn’t want to lie. 

“Did you mean it in a purely platonic way?” 

Xander hesitates, fighting with himself before he settles on being honest. 

“No.” 

“In a romantic way then?” 

“Yeah.” 

It’s quiet after that. 

Xander pushes himself up after a while, so he can look at John. 

“Listen John.. You don’t have to say anything. I don’t expect you to reciprocate my feelings. I have been in love with you for a while and I just said it because I wanted you to know. Just for in case. But I‘m not mad at you if you don’t feel the same.” 

“Kiss me.” 

“What?” 

“I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a while.” 

“Really?”

“Really.” 

This is too good to be true. 

“You hit your head.” 

“Good god, just kiss me.” 

Xander hesitantly leans down to John. He rests his forehead against Johns, because he gets nervous just seconds before their lips can meet. 

“Do you want to kiss me?”, John asks. 

“So bad”, Xander mumbles, his eyes fluttering shut when he feels Johns breath on his lips. 

Johns lips meet Xanders and it’s even better than he ever imagined it. And he did imagine it every now and then. 

John smiles after the kiss. 

“Date me”, he whispers. 

“Having a lot of demands today, are we?”

John chuckles. 

“Please.” 

Xander laughs quietly. “Please?” 

“Yes. Please.” 

“I’d love to.” 

“Me too.”

“Okay then.” 

John smiles and so does Xander, before they lean into another kiss. 


	36. Ethan Teaches Hannah Sign Language

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> deaf!Ethan teaches autistic!nonverbal!Hannah sign language
> 
> requested by Anon

Lex pulls over into the driveway and turns off the engine. She gets out of the car and goes for the trunk to quickly get the groceries.

Lex doesn’t enjoy leaving Hannah at home but she also doesn’t enjoy taking her to the grocery store because she knows that Hannah doesn’t like being there. So leaving her at home with Ethan seemed reasonable and Ethan said it’s cool and he likes Hannah and Hannah likes Ethan too so it should be fine.

It’s not like she was gone for long anyway, twenty minutes at the most. But being back still feels good, she likes being at home with the people she loves.

Lex opens the door to their flat and carefully closes it behind herself. She brings the groceries into the kitchen before she goes looking for Ethan and Hannah.

She finds them in the living room, sitting on the floor and she stops in the doorway.

Hannah is wearing Ethans hat and both of them look rather concentrated as Ethan slowly signs letters to Hannah.

H – A – N – N – A – H

Lex can’t help but smile when Hannah copies the movements of his hands, doing a lot better than Lex did when she first started learning sign language.

Lex leans against the doorway and watches them for a bit.

It’s nice how easy and eagerly Hannah seems to learn when Ethan teaches her, patient as he is. She thought about teaching Hannah herself but she’s not as good at it yet as she’d like to be and seeing Ethan do it now makes it rather obvious that he’s also a better teacher than she could ever be. Besides, them bonding is nice and makes her heart feel warm.

Ethan notices her now and smiles and signs a hello.

Lex smiles and shakes her head when he goes on to ask if she needs help with the groceries.

“It’s fine, go on”, she signs and leaves them to it.


	37. Stop Dying <3 (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some hurt/comfort macman of john coming back from a mission gone horribly wrong and instead of going back to peip he manages to make it to the white house before collapsing three steps into the oval office, right in front of howard 
> 
> requested by the one and only macman anon!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> \- blood  
> \- near death experience

John stumbles a little as his vision gets a little blurred, but it’s fine. Everything is fine, he thinks to himself, in an attempt to convince his weakened body that that’s true. He makes it through the empty corridor, all the way to the door to the oval office. He tries his best to compose himself as he nods at a passing employee and gifts them a smile. Then he reaches the door and he opens it and there Howard is, sitting at his desk as always.

It feels so good to see him there, alive and well. John utters his name, he thinks.

Howard frowns a little in concern but his face becomes a blur as the thumping in Johns head gets louder and heavier. He tries to focus his eyes again and makes a few steps towards Howard when his foot gets caught on something uneven on the floor and he stumbles and falls, his vision fading to black.

* * *

Howard can’t deny that he had been waiting to hear from John.

But not like that. Certainly not like that.

A phone call that everything is fine and that John is alive would have been ideal. Maybe John telling him he’s looking forward to seeing him later that night. Howard was looking forward to it.

He gets a little anxious every time John goes on a mission. Every mission is a risk after all.

Nothing horrendous ever happened since they started dating. Until that day, until the door to the oval office swings open and there John is, pale as a ghost. There are sprinkles of blood covering his neck and parts of his beard and Howard can only hope that it’s not his own.

“Howard”, John utters. Howard isn’t sure if it’s a sigh of relief or a cry for help.

Then John stumbles over the edge of the carpet and he falls.

Before he knows it, Howard got up and is running towards John who is laying on the floor, unmoving.

He reaches for his shoulder to turn him around and nearly screams when his hand comes back bloody.

“No no no no no”, he whispers, “John?”

Johns clothes are black so it’s hard to see blood but they feel all damp and leave red stains on Howard’s hands when he touches them. A sob escapes his throat, not matter how much he tries to keep it together.

“Wait-wait”, he fumbles out, when he manages to get a clear thought again. He gets up and makes a run for the telephone. He manages to call a medical team into his office and he almost manages to do that without crying.

Tears are running down his face when he gets back to John.

He carefully pulls his upper body up and into his lap, holding his head against his chest. He presses a kiss on Johns head and sobs because it’s only when he’s holding Johns lifeless body like that, that it gets him what just happened.

John is there and John is unconscious and Johns clothes are all bloody.

Howard should look for wounds and make sure John doesn’t lose anymore blood but all he can do is sit there, sobbing and paralysed.

The medics arrive just about a minute later and Howard has to step back and let go of John when they start to examine him.

They take him away shortly afterwards and Howard is left standing there with blood on his hands.

* * *

John wakes up to a beeping sound and a warm hand, holding his.

He gently squeezes the hand, as he tries to summon enough energy to open his eyes.

“John?” It’s Howard’s voice. Howard’s sweet voice. John wants to smile, though he’s not sure if he manages. His skin feels heavy on his face.

He manages to open his eyes now and there Howard is, sitting on a chair next to the bed he’s in and looking more worried than ever.

“Hi”, John fumbles out.

“Hi?”, Howard repeats quietly. He laughs in frustration and pain. “Stop dying!”

“I’m sorry, love.”

“You scared the shit out of me, you know?”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Why didn’t you go back to Peip, why did you..”

“You were nearer and I thought if I die.. I wanted to see you.”

“John..”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to almost die. I love you.”

Howard’s expression softens.

He pulls Johns hand up to his lips and kisses it. Once, twice, five times. “I love you.”

He presses his lips against Johns hand again, longer this time, and he closes his eyes for a moment. 

“Good news is, based on your injuries you’ll be excused from work for quite a few weeks”, he then notes. 

“Wait-“

“Nothing can happen to you if you’re at home.”

“Quite a few things can happen at home, but-“

“No buts, John.”

“I-..”

“I know how much you love working but you need to rest, okay? You can’t save the world when you’re dead.”

“I suppose.”

“I can try and get home as fast as possible every day and we can spend more time together.”

John can’t help but smile at that.

“That sounds quite nice actually.”

“Does it, yeah?” Howard smiles.

John squeezes his hand again and Howard leans closer to place a kiss on his forehead, before he slips into bed with him. 

“There are a bunch of Peip people out there by the way”, he quietly notes. 

“They can wait for five more minutes.” 

“Yeah, I thought so too.” 


	38. Ruined Honeymoon (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angsty macman! mcnamara got kidnapped but he did eventually escape but while he was missing howard was worried sick
> 
> requested by Anon!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> \- blood  
> \- kidnapping  
> \- gunshot wound

It’s the second day of their honeymoon when Howard wakes up alone. He is just about half awake as he rolls over to cuddle against John when his hand hits the cold mattress where the warm body of his husband should be.

He stays laying there for a while, assuming that John just got up to go to the bathroom or to get a glass of water.

After about ten minutes of waiting for John to come back and hold him, Howard gets up to go looking for him.

He’s not in the bathroom so Howard makes his way downstairs, to find no John there either.

“John?”, he whispers, quietly calling out for him.

He notices that the glass door leading to the balcony is slightly ajar. Maybe John just went outside for a smoke at two am, that’s reasonable enough.

He reaches for the dark handle but withdraws his hand in shock when he feels something wet on his fingers.

In hindsight, he should have probably turned on the lights. He almost screams when he notices the blood on his hand.

He pushes open the door with his foot, careful not to touch the handle again and steps outside to find nothing.

No John smoking in the moonlight and no trace of a fight or anything, really.

Howard hears his phone ring inside and hurries back there to pick it up, hoping that it’s a call from John. It’s Johns number and he sighs in relief as he takes the call and holds the phone to his ear.

“John?”, he asks, “Are you okay? Where are you?”

“This is not John”, a distorted voice answers and the sudden rush of relief leaves Howard as fast as it came.

“Who is this?”, he asks.

“We want to offer you a deal.”

“What deal? Where’s John?”

“You’ll get him back but we want something in return, you see?”

Oh. 

So that’s what this is. 

Howard swallows and tries to take a breath as his throat tightens and it gets harder for him to breath.

He reaches for the backrest of the couch for support and tries his best to stay calm. This is what John told him, always stay calm in case he ever gets kidnapped, which might happen someday. He said that, he said it might happen. Howard had rolled his eyes.

“We’re not in a movie, John”, he had said.

And he was right, he supposes, they’re not in a movie, this is real life and it’s happening.

“Are you still there, Mr. President?”, the voice asks. 

“What do you want?”, Howard chokes out. He has to sit down because the fear in his throat makes him feel nauseated. He barely hears it over the rushing in his ears when the voice on the other end goes on to make demands, asking him to free some people from prison that he can’t quite connect in his confusion and fear.

“We will give you two hours to think about it”, the voice concludes.

“What happens if I say no?”

“We kill him.”

Howard doesn’t know what to say to that, he just sits there, on the verge of crying.

“And I advise that you make your choice quickly”, the voice continues, “In an hour or sooner we will start with the torture, depending on how bored we are.”

“Torture”, Howard quietly repeats as whoever is on the other end ends the call.

He lets his phone sinks and he starts to cry. He doesn’t know what else to do, he just breaks down.

They did everything to prevent something like this, they did so much much to make sure that they’re safe on their honeymoon.

They picked a remote place and they only let a handful of handpicked people know about it. And yes, they didn’t want guards covering every entrance of the house out of privacy reasons but there are a bunch of security guards living in a mansion nearby, checking the area every hour or so to make sure they’re safe, after all the threats Howard got before the wedding. John even got Xander and a few other Peip field agents to coincidentally go on vacation near them at the same time.

Howard hesitates for a moment when he remembers Xander.

He composes himself, as good as he possibly can in that situation.

Then he calls Xander because he’ll know what to do, he’s one of the smartest people Howard knows.

He sounds tired when he picks up.

“Howard?”

“They have John, they took John and there’s blood on the door handle and they-“

“Wait wait wait, take a breath. What happened?”

“They’re gonna kill him, I don’t know what to do.”

“You’re at the house?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll be there in five minutes. Stay there.”

Howard nods, even though Xander can’t see that. “Yes, okay, I’ll wait.”

* * *

Xander gets there about three minutes after the end of their call and he’s in company of a few more people. Howard almost gets embarrassed of how puffy and red-eyed he looks.

But on the other hand, he’s more than allowed to cry, his husband just got kidnapped.

Xander sits down with him and together they try to get a hold of the situation and make a plan when Howard’s phone rings again and it’s John again. Or not John, probably.

Xander nods at Howard to take the call and he puts it on speaker.

“It has been half an hour. Have you made your choice?”, the distorted voice asks.

Howard looks at Xander, trying to make sure that he should do what they discussed now. Xander nods.

“Put him on the phone”, Howard says.

“You don’t get to make the demands here, Mr. President.”

“I need to know that he’s with you and alive.”

It’s quiet on the other end for a while and Howard waits. He can hear them talk, muffled and quiet. Then the voice is back.

“Alright.”

Howard hears shuffling, then staggered breathing.

“Hey- hey Love”, John says.

Howard sobs at the sound of Johns voice and quickly presses his hand on his mouth. John sounds tired and spent but like he’s trying to hide that.

“Hey”, he quickly answers. “Did they hurt you?”

“I’m okay. I just.. I have been kidnapped, as you may have noticed. But don’t worry, I will be alright. I don’t know what they’re asking for but don’t give it to them, okay?”

“John-“ 

“Okay listen now, I’m pretty sure that I’m in near that lighthouse by the beach. Call Xander and-“

His voice fades away as the phone gets violently ripped out of his grip. Howard flinches when he can hear the sound of a fist hitting a jaw and a groan.

Then the distorted voice is back.

“You have half an hour to make your decision.”

“You said two-“ Howard stops when the call stops abruptly.

Xander gets up immediately, leaving Howard sitting there.

He gathers with the other agents around the laptop he brought and their voices fade out in Howard’s head as the fear takes a hold of him.

He can’t breath, suddenly. He feels like he can’t breath anymore, they’re going to kill John. He’ll have to give in, he just does.

He slowly pushes himself up from the couch, his knees feeling weak and his whole body shaking.

Suddenly Xander is back.

“Sit down, you’re all pale.”

“I’ll give them what they want”, Howard fumbles out as he falls back onto the couch under Xanders hand gently pushing him.

“No, we found where he might be and we will go there now. We’ll get him back.”

“You found him?”

“We found him, okay?”

Howard nods lightly, though it almost feels unreal.

“I can come with you”, he says, trying to get up again.

“No you stay here for when he comes back.”

“Sure? I can-“

“I have to leave. He will be fine, we’ll get him back. You will be safer if you stay here.”

Howard just nods and then Xander is already leaving.

And there Howard is, sitting on the couch and feeling useless.

He pulls his legs to his chest and gives into another breakdown.

He has been sitting there for half an hour when there’s a knock on the door.

He gets up, slowly. He takes a knife as he passes the kitchen and he opens the door, the knife raised.

It’s John, beaten up but alive.

He lifts his hands.

“I don’t have the key.”

“John”, Howard just utters. He puts down the knife and pulls John close into a hug.

He quickly lets go of him again when a quiet whimper comes from his direction.

“Sorry, shit. Sorry. Are you injured?”

“Just a little. Xander and his team will be here shortly, I will survive until then.”

“What happened?”

“I escaped but then went back in when I met Xander outside to take the rest of them down and I got slightly wounded.”

Howard reaches for John to pull him into the house and to the nearest chair.

“How bad is slightly wounded?”, he asks as he helps John sit down.

He likes to downplay his state usually and his face looks bad enough already.

Howard looks down on John and finds his black t-shirt ripped on the side.

“What’s that? What-“

“Just a gunshot wound.”

“What?”

“It only brushed me.”

Howard doesn’t listen to him and instead pulls up his T-Shirt to see how bad it looks underneath.

The answer is pretty bad. There is more blood than Howard has seen in a while or maybe ever, that kind of bad.

The bullet must have brushed him on the side and it took some of the flesh with it. It may not be fatal because it didn’t get any organs but still, it looks horrible.

“Hey”, John whispers now and Howard lets his t-shirt sink.

“What?”

“Are you alright?”

“You’re asking _me_ that?”

“Well I’m sure it hasn’t been a pleasant night for you either.”

“I was so scared and worried”, Howard admits.

“I’m here.”

“Yeah- yeah.” Howard nods.

John is there and he’s alive.

He reaches for Johns face and rests his forehead against Johns.

“I love you, please never get kidnapped again.”

“I will try my best. I love you too.”

Howard places a gentle kiss on John’s bloody lips, careful not to hurt him.

The door opens and Xander comes in again, followed by a woman carrying a little white suitcase.

“Hey, I brought Amy to patch you up.”

“Hi Amy”, John greets her and she smiles and scolds him for being reckless or whatever.

Howard doesn’t let go of Johns hand as Amy does her thing, cleaning his wounds and bandaging them up.

Xander goes over everything with John, writing things down on his laptop but Howard barely listens.

The night feels so unreal.

Everything happened in the range of less than two hours but it felt like years, waiting for John to get back and being worried.

Amy leaves when she’s done and Xander says his goodbyes as well. They place guards on every entrance for the rest of the night.

Howard leads John back upstairs into the bedroom.

“Do you want to go back home tomorrow?”, he asks when they laid down.

“I don’t know. We have only been here for two days.”

“I don’t feel safe here anymore.”

“We eliminated all of them.”

“But.. there have to be more. Somewhere, it’s a whole group.”

“Yes. If you want to go back home, we can.”

“I don’t know.”

John rolls over to Howard and wraps his arms around him.

“We can still decide that in the morning.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“I’m sorry, this was supposed to be nice.”

“This?”

“Our honeymoon.”

“Jesus John, it’s not your fault that it wasn’t nice.”

“We can redo it.”

Howard smiles lightly.

“Yes, of course we can.”

“I love you.” John nuzzles his nose against Howard’s shoulder.

“Love you”, Howard whispers back.

He turns his head to John and rests his nose against the top of his head and his soft hair.

Hopefully they really can redo all of this. Without the kidnapping, that means.


	39. Kidnapped John (MacMan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more angsty macman!  
> “You know how sometimes when someone is taken hostage for ransom the kidnapper sends videos or is livestreaming? What about that with john as the hostage?”
> 
> \- requested by Anon!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> \- kidnapping  
> \- blood  
> \- mention of violence  
> \- implied torture  
> \- mention of death  
> \- gun

It have been three hours and Howard is at his end.

Three hours of John being gone and Howard trying his best to negotiate with the people who took him.

He took a step back after a while, having run out of options and now Wallace is arguing with them over the phone, making vile threats that probably aren’t going to lead to anything and all Howard can do is sit there and try his best not to cry again.

He cried quite often, since John is gone. He tried not to of course but there’s only so much you can do between waiting on phone calls and waiting for news, good or bad just any news.

“Howard”, Bob says now, appearing next to the puddle of nerves and anxiety that Howard became.

“Mh?”, Howard makes, his gaze gliding over all the people, all the people who came to help and yet no one really knows what to do.

“They started a live stream.”

“What?”

Bob points somewhat to his left and Howard notices some people trying to get a tv to work.

“They’re showing John.”

“Is he okay?”

“I don’t know if you want to see that-“, Bob starts but Howard is already getting up and walking towards the tv, just as a video appears.

It’s a dark room, too dark for Howard to be able to recognise where it could be.

There’s a chair and a slumped figure sitting in it.

Howard nearly doesn’t recognise John. His head is resting on his chest, like he lost consciousness. His hair fell over his face but it’s not soft and blond as usually. It’s damp and red with blood.

Howard quietly gasps for air when he realises that he held his breath for way too long.

“John”, he whispers. And again: “John?”, not comprehending that John can’t hear him and there’s nothing he can do.

John is alone there and Howard can’t help.

Or he could but he can’t possibly give the kidnappers what they are asking for, the impact would be disastrous. He can’t be that selfish, he can’t put Johns life over a thousand others. 

The camera sways closer to John and a clothed hand reaches out to him to slap him awake.

He groans quietly. It’s not the kind of groan he makes when he just woke up and is still tired, it’s a painful groan. A groan that Howard hasn’t heard in years and that he never wanted to hear again. He doesn’t want John to be in pain.

Johns eyes flutter open and his gaze meets the camera.

Howards heart skips a beat because for a moment it feels like John is looking directly at him.

For a moment he wants to reach out to him and console him. He wants brush the bloody hair out of his face and tell him everything is going to be okay.

His hand itches to touch John, his hand flinches towards the tv for just a moment.

Whoever is behind the camera says something to John that Howard barely understands. But they must have mentioned that Howard is watching because shortly afterwards John looks back at the camera and his expression softens.

He puts on the look he always puts on when he gets home after a mission went wrong, when he tries to hide just how bad his injury is so Howard doesn’t worry.

John mutters something and Howard believes to understand his own name, then: “It’s okay.”

Howard frowns when John nods lightly and gifts him a consoling smile.

“It’s okay, it’s-“ He gasps quietly, seemingly in pain. “It’s okay, I love you. Don’t forget that- don’t forget that I love you.”  
Howard sobs, he can’t help it. His vision gets blurry, as tears slip out of his eyes and over his cheeks. “I love you too”, he says, even though John can’t hear that.

John smiles lightly, keeping his eyes on the camera and he doesn’t lose that smile, not even when someone presses the barrel of a gun against his head.

There John is, trying to make sure that Howard is okay and that Howard feels alright even though he’s the one who is in danger. He always does that.

Howards hand is shaking when he reaches up to cover his mouth in an attempt to drown out a sob. 

“Mr. President”, someone says behind Howard.

“Yeah?”, he mumbles.

“They are giving us thirty seconds to make a decision.”

“And then?”, Howard asks, not once taking his eyes off his husband. He knows the answer but he doesn’t want to know it. So he asks and hopes that he’s wrong. He’s not.

“Then they shoot him.”

A countdown appears on the screen.

30

29

28

27

Howard panics.

And John smiles at him like he’s saying goodbye.

He is saying goodbye.

“I love you”, he says, one last time. Howard just shakes his head, keeps shaking it when John goes on to assure him that it’s okay, that this is okay, over and over again.

15 seconds left and Howard is frozen in between knowing that he can’t do it and wanting to just give in. They can deal with the consequences of his actions later, he just needs John to be safe.

“I’ll do it”, he whispers, more to himself than to anyone.

“No”, Bob says. He’s standing right next to him and was the only one who heard.

“I’ll give them everything they’re asking for.”

The numbers on the screen turn red.

10

9

“Howard, we can’t give them-“

“Stop”, Howard says, loudly now, “Stop the countdown. I’ll give in. Stop it. Just let him go.”

Panic swings in his voice as he pushes past Bob to get to the telephone.

The countdown doesn’t stop, it skips to five then to four just as Howard reaches for the telephone.

Then there’s a gunshot and when Howard turns around, the tv is black.  
It’s quiet.

It’s dead quiet.

“That was too early”, Howard whispers.

“We sent people in, maybe they-..”, Wallace starts, knowing just how wrong that sounds.

They sent people to various possible locations and the possibility of one of them being the right one is rather low. 

Howard just shakes his head.

They didn’t. He knows they didn’t make it in time.

John is dead.

He’s gone and Howard is still there and he’s alone now.

He should have given in earlier, he knows that. If they had just let him given in.

“Howard-“, Wallace starts.

Howard shakes his head.

Bob reaches out to him but he brushes him off and stumbles past him out of the room.

He needs to be alone.

He reaches for the nearest wall just to have something to hold on to. He feels like he’s going to throw up, his stomach feels twisted and weird.

He just watched his husband die and he did nothing.

* * *

“Howard?” It’s Bob, appearing in the corridor behind him. He’s crying too though Howard can see him trying to be the strong one. Bob may not have just lost his husband but he did lose a friend. And he can’t see people cry without crying too, Howard knows that, they’ve been friends long enough.

“No”, Howard mutters, too quiet.

“We don’t know if they killed him, it was too early. The shot didn’t necessarily have to be directed at him.”

“Don’t give me hope”, Howard says, his voice nothing but a pathetic whimper.

“Howard-“

“Please, I want to be alone.”

“Okay. ..I will keep you updated if anything new happens.”

Howard just nods and stumbles ahead towards the window.

He feels like he can’t breath suddenly and he feels nauseous.

He opens the window and he falls against the wall next to it, leaning his head against the cold material. 

He breaks down in a mix of sobs and gasps for air. In ten minutes he will go back in and he will deal with whatever he needs to deal with but for now he needs to let himself break down. And he does, god how he does. 

He feels light headed and exhausted after just a minute. It’s so hard to keep breathing, a part of him just wants to give up on trying.

Just as Howard calmed down enough to get back the control over his breathing rhythm, Bob storms into the corridor, a relieved smile on his tear-stained face.

“Howard?”, he shouts, then his eyes fall on Howard and he lowers his voice. “He’s alive! They found him, he’s okay.” 

“What?”, Howard fumbles out, having just been ripped out of mourning the death of his husband. It takes him a moment to fully grasp what Bob is saying.

“Our people got there before the countdown ended and they got him out of there. He is being treated by medics right now, come.”

He just goes on walking and Howard hurries to follow, his legs not quite obeying yet.

“He’s safe?”, Howard asks.

Bob nods.

“And the- the kidnappers, they..?”

“Three of them died in the shootout but the rest were arrested.”

Howard nods lightly.

“And our people?”

“Some of them are slightly injured but all of them are alive.”

“Can I see John?”

“Where do you think I’m taking you right now?”, Bob asks, and Howard hurries to get there faster. 


End file.
